


10,000 Promises

by Pas_dAutres



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Past meets future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-02-24 19:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2592785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pas_dAutres/pseuds/Pas_dAutres
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Quite frankly, Eren just wanted a mind-blowing, out of this universe fairy-tale to write on for his mythology report. It was a personal mission to impress Levi with his deep analysis and diligent research. </p><p>What he got was a physical form of the fabled man, ‘Humanity’s Strongest’, emerging right out of the book and looking awfully identical to his TA.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hello

**Author's Note:**

> He knew that look—Levi rarely got pissed at the students but the times he does, there was silent poison in his glare in which you didn't want to be at the receiving end of. Right now, it was mixed with weary confusion, direct accusations, and utter annoyance. Maybe even a little intent to kill.
> 
> "What the hell did you do this time brat?"

_This is more of a diary than an observation journal, so to speak. Captain was the one who suggested it, he said it helps deal with the last of my sanity. Why not? I have little personal belongings of my own and tomorrow may be the day I die._

_All of them agreed, even suggested that I write this like a story, so when we look back on it, we’ll remember all the crazy adventures we were pulled into._

_I figured if they wanted a story, then we might as well start from the beginning, with the fall of Shiganshina._

.-.

He listened to a recently-uploaded episode from _RadioLab,_ a Halloween-themed retelling of some “true event” involving ghosts and all that paranormal jazz. Eren found it hard to believe—the woman claimed to have talked to her dead parents for god’s sake.

But it was a moment of magic, she said. A moment she’d keep in her memories, whether if it really happened or it was all just in her head.

Eren didn’t believe in magic. He may be fascinated in mythology and the supernatural, watched horror movies all the time, and went along with Armin’s obsession for alchemy, but none of that stuff was real at the end of the day. All results of humankind’s unlimited imagination.

But he was sure, that years later when he’d think back, he’d say the same thing. How it was a moment of magic, a moment he would hold preciously in his memories.

How he had laid butt-flat on the carpet that night, stoned to the marrows of his bones with a hand outstretched in a pathetic attempt to save his life. No sound had escaped his tight throat, nothing could. Not even the tiniest pathetic whimper that maybe could, you know, spare a life.

How _he_ came crashing in,  all in his military glory of hard muscles, tight leather straps and the tell-tale insignia of the ‘Wings of Freedom’ flying on his back, with of course not one but two sharp blades pointed towards his neck. The much uncomfortable contact wasn’t the first thing that crossed Eren’s mind; what cut Eren cold-turkey was the terrifying resemblance of the very person he regarded highly of.

Standing in front and high above him was his teacher's assistant, Levi Ackerman.

"What the hell did you do this time brat?"

Eren would like to know too, thank you very much. All he wanted was to find a good story to read—

.-.

Jean said he worked too hard.  
  
Stayed on top of things, put in his 200 percent when the most you could ever get back was 100. University was different, another type of freedom they experienced so to speak. Yet Eren still kept up with voluntary homework, still read every page of assigned reading, still attended all lectures like a good little boy. Jean wondered where he got the time to do all the 'unnecessary shit’ (quote unquote) when most students struggled to have enough sleep.

And sleep was precious. The very thing that determined your sanity by the end of a semester and many sacrificed much tears and blood to keep their minds at bay.

Not Eren.

See, when one accidently sleeps in and is half an hour late for a lecture, one crawls back into the burrows of his bed with a mindset of ‘fuck it, I’ll get notes from someone later’. But not Eren.

The door slammed open and he cringed at the loud bang it caused, not to mention the drawn-out creak that echoed across the enormous lecture hall. Stupid old building and its 200 year old history; someone needed to start a petition for a nice face-lift for this school or it was going to fall apart.

"Late again Jaeger."

His TA's monotone voice echoed across the room and Eren tried his best to fight down the redness creeping up his neck. No prevail—heated waves were already rolling across his cheeks. He only dipped his head in apology, loose strands of his poorly-tied hair coming apart, and quickly finds a seat beside Jean, who's giving that stupid smirk.

“Rough night?”

“Yeah, Shakespeare was pretty difficult to win over,” Eren said, noting the thin pile of paper lying innocently on his desk. “What I miss?”

It didn’t really look like Jean was paying much attention, his fingers professionally punching away at the game-boy hidden so discretely under the desk. "Just the usual slap of Ackerman's tyranny."

Yet another assignment: some analysis report on rare legends of this world. Worth quite a bit this time. That was the thing with this class, no midterms and final exams but crap tons of reports and essays—each worth a considerable chunk of his final grade, so it wasn’t like he could bullshit out a paper the night before.

But Eren Jaeger aimed to please—especially for a course he actually liked and for a certain TA he so ardently admired. Mythology was something he always took interested in and with Levi’s most invigorating discussions, it was natural for Eren to enjoy these assignments just a teeny more.

Jean was giving him that usual look of ‘are-you-okay-in-the-head’. “Do mine as well?”

“Dream on meathead.”

“Fruitcake,” Jean shoots back and waves the paper-pile in the air in disgusted emphasis. “You are aware you’re the only one enjoying these nasty things.”

“These nasties are thirty-percent of your grade.”

It wasn’t just about percentages on his transcript; it was an opportunity to show himself again. The last big assignment took his professor and Levi by surprise, both having expressed their encouraging feedback. Never had he so much as glowed upon seeing Levi’s impressed look.

A cough beside brought him back from his fantasies and under the scrutiny of his TA’s hard gaze. Currently, Levi was not amused and impressed. Even with his small stature, the master’s student could be intimidating as fuck.

"Welcome back Jaeger. Fun time in Neverland?"

He struggled a smile. "The best."

"Good," Levi returns back to the front of the classroom. "Tell us all about it in your presentation. You can be the first one to go."

He really liked the way Levi carried himself. A confident stride of self-awareness though not one step out of line when it came to his ego. It was...respectable. So it was natural for Eren to take his request as a personal challenge.

"Yes sir, don't mind if I do."

.-.

The thing with mythology assignments: there was a whole lot of research involved. You need to dig deep, tread into the abandoned corners of the library to really find something worth writing about. And if his TA wanted something rare and unheard of, Eren would deliver.

“Don’t go overboard,” Jean warned, “We don’t want a repeat of last time.”

 _Last time_ , he was found dehydrated in the top library floor, buried under books. Mikasa was livid when she heard and it took much convincing to have her stay put—Eren really didn’t want the woman cross two cities because of his own stupidity. Jean said he tried too hard, put too much effort into something clearly not worth his sweat and tears; but fuck Jean and his just-passing grade.

Two hours of quick research lead Eren to an article vaguely summarizing a story about giant walls, humanity’s doom, and flesh-eating titans. Maybe it was the flesh-eating part that hooked Eren in and he went right on its trail. He dug deep, trying to find any source material and after another three hours of mindless browsing, he had a lead at a run-down bookstore.

There were messy piles of junk and mountains of old books stacked high everywhere, but he wasn’t afraid. Two years of research was enough experience for Eren to quickly eliminate the interesting from the dull. He bent to the lowest level of shelves, crawled around tight corners, and scanned for books of ancient age.

He would have missed that pale leather-bound book tucked discretely in the corner of bookshelf if it wasn't for the loose string hung outwards. It was bounded from front to back in repeated circles followed by a few overlapping crosses to make sure the string doesn't loosen. In some parts, wear and tear was visible and the brown splotches on the string showed no sign of a human's touch for quite some time.

Eren pulled gently at the knots to read the title, difficult enough as it was.

' _To You in Two Thousand_ _Years_ '  
  
He stared at it for a whole minute, and clutched this one close to his chest.

This was it.

.-.

It was a story of growing up, of loss and hopelessness, sacrifice and bloodshed. There was nothing more terrifying than seeing monsters coming to life inside creatures that so closely resembled humans. Humanity had fallen to being caged inside stone walls for fear of the titans and the unknown, and the hero, deemed ‘Humanity's Last Hope’ charged full speed ahead to face the very thing that invoked fear in everyone.

An interesting tale, not one for everybody with all the barbaric gore and adulterated immorality displayed. There were respectable heroes and heroines who sacrificed a lot and were forced to grow up just a tad bit too soon. Those in the 104th squadron who decided to join the Scouting Legion though—they were the admirable ones.

Mere fifteen, sixteen year-olds who had the chance of safe and luxurious lives vouched to protect and bring hope for mankind. Eren couldn’t imagine the dilemma and fear they went through—to live for themselves or humanity? It was an utmost admirable spirit, one he rarely witnessed in today’s youth.

And of course, the Scouting Legion. However interesting Humanity’s Last Hope and the titans were, Eren paid most attention to this military faction, in particular one of its captains, Humanity's Strongest.

The Captain was one peculiar character. Rude, crude, one hell of a Grinch you didn't want to deal with. But he got the job done. Eliminated more than enough titans with no assistance, assisted more than you could count kills, and always the go-to person when the Commander needed something. Small and dangerous, the narrator described, with a penchant for hygiene and tidiness and French cravats.

Eren thought the Captain was cool. An interesting character with a mysterious past and unconventional thinking. He wanted to know more about him; come on, having the entitlement of 'Humanity's Strongest' was one hell of a prestige.

By the time when Eren reached the exciting part when the Female Titan was captured in her crystallized state, it was well past midnight and he forced himself to set down the book. Morning classes were never fun but he couldn’t afford to sleep in and miss a lecture again.

He caught something odd in the small corner of the book however, right as he was about to turn in for the night. A a stain on the back-cover. For one drowsy from lack of sleep, you’d assume he’d shrug it off, but Eren was not like the rest. He was curious and always full of questions, eager for wonders and new discoveries.

No, he just had to take a look.

He opened to the back of the book, revealing nothing but a little chicken scratch and what seemed to be the tiniest engraving a human could make with a knife. A hint of silver flashes under the light, the shine almost fading from age. Two words and he closed in on them, trying to make out what it said.

_gehan, fliegen_

He cocked his head in speculation. A foreign language, sounded like German. For two simple words and a whole lot of laziness pent up, you’d assume he’d search for a translation online and leave it as that, and go the fuck to sleep. But Eren was not like the rest. No, he was curious and stubborn, passionate in this story and the stupid assignment, and had a penchant for trouble.

No, he just had to touch it—because that would make him miraculously understand the engraved words and connect him on deeper levels—he just had to touch it and make it all the better.

A thumb grazed over the silver carving, Eren whisked away in his own thoughts, when a sharp pain passed through. He thought it nothing until he saw a small drop of blood escaping onto the book and damn, the old thing most definitely didn’t need more stains and—

A sudden bright light coming from the very book and it flied out of his hands. Swift breezes swirled into angry winds—wind _inside his room_ —and caught Eren by surprise, if he wasn't already stunned to the bones.

The book was _alive_.

He thought himself insane when he felt an invisible force, his long hair wisped back for a mere second, and saw a cloud form—a miniature version of a freaking hurricane formed in the middle of the book and fuck-shits Eren should be scrambling his ass to close the damn thing but he was a now bunny trapped in this invisible cage, sitting dumbfounded and watching.

Watching as a fucking head appeared, rose from the book, inching out slowly to reveal the body of a man, a little tattered and wounded but Eren could still guess who this might be—could be, should be...shouldn’t be. The haircut and small height gave it away honestly. But his small frame of face, narrow eyes currently closed, sharp nose and that all-too-familiar frown.

Why in this cosmic universe did the Captain of the tell-tale Scouting Legion look exactly like Levi?

He didn't have time to speculate on that question as the next turning second, his neck was dangerously resting between two sharp blades and only his eyes dared to move up.

He knew that look—Levi rarely got pissed at the students but the times he does, there was silent poison in his glare in which you didn't want to be at the receiving end of. Right now, it was mixed with weary confusion, direct accusations, and utter annoyance. Maybe even a little intent to kill.

"What the hell did you do this time brat?"

Eren Jaeger just had to go out of his way to do well on this assignment and impress Ackerman. He just had to go to and find some story no one’s ever touched. He just had to go the extra step.

Eren should listen to Jean for once.

.-.

—and a magical moment was born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _TA: teacher’s assistant—they’re the ones who hosts tutorial sessions and labs and also helps the professor mark papers_
> 
>  
> 
> _RadioLab: podcast that broadcasts really really awesome mini-shows with amazing storytelling talents_
> 
> taking a step back. this will incorporate the teeniest bit of fantasy—hope it’ll work out. bear with the dump of set-up and info here, i promise more character interaction next. if anyone is up for being beta, please let me know?
> 
> Any criticism and kudos greatly appreciated! You can also find me on tumblr if you’re up for any chit-chats: [tumblr](no-other-words.tumblr.com).


	2. How Are You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The man took a step back, lifted his hands, cupped Eren’s chin. Examined his visage, rotating his head just slightly, and moved on to his eyes. Really looked into it, as if Captain was digging in his depths of yellow-green, scrounging for that one thing that made him—
> 
> “Not him,” Captain revealed. “You’re not him.”
> 
> Eren wondered for a moment who he meant by that, before realising it was this other Eren he mentioned. That heavy weight broke Captain’s string of voice, leaving only a tiring revelation. And for the one instance, a pulling feeling to be the other Eren Jaeger swelled inside his chest.
> 
> Except, that was his name as well. “I’m Eren...but I don’t think I’m your Eren.”

_It was tough, but whoever said it was easy? Here, it’s every man for himself and training isn’t an exception. I wasn’t the best in our squadron, but I made it. Us three all made it to top ten in the class. So what was next?_

_The Scouting Legion. And Trost._

.-.

If anyone had sent Eren a message half an hour earlier, saying that they were having a splendid tea-party with a person who literally jumped right out of a book, Eren would reply with a ‘cool dood. what are you high on?’

Key phrase: half an hour earlier.

Now, Eren would casually respond with ‘yo me too. guy tried to kill me at first, but we’re chums now. btw he looks like ackerman’.

Not exactly chums per say, but at last Captain had managed to keep from slicing his body into two. There was still this momentary mix-up on Eren’s identity. He was _sure_ he wasn’t—

“—kidnapped by a bunch of military wussies and I find you here?” Captain didn’t move an inch of his hands as he inspected the surrounding. “Where is this? Where’s Christa?”

Eren’s lips babbled but nothing came out. He had no words formed in mind; what do you say to a man forged from thin air? Not to mention he was the carbon copy of Levi and that alone was freaky enough. But as soon as Captain sharpened his gaze, Eren straightened his senses. He was giving a chance to speak (and possibly spare his life) and Eren shouldn’t waste it.

“I..I don’t know. No idea, no idea at all.”

Not a particularly satisfying answer, as Captain tightened his grip on the swords and Eren could _hear_ those blades rubbing against his skin.

“No really!” Eren shook his palms frantically. “I swear, I was reading and—you just...you just appeared, out of nowhere!”

“People don’t ‘appear’ out of nowhere,” Captain said. “Now where the hell are we?”

Eren already knew the man wouldn’t like his answer. “We’re...in my room?”

“Then get us out.” Captain ordered as if that was the next obvious thing to do. “Now that I’ve found your sorry ass, we need to move quickly.”

“See the thing is,” Eren swallowed nervously. “You umm, kind of..came from that book.”

Captain’s eyes slid to the mentioned object, then back on him. “How damaged is your brain?”

He wondered if the next few words coming out of his mouth would be his last. “I—this is...I don’t know where you came from—or _how_ —but this is my world and you don’t exactly belong here.”

Narrowed eyes thinned, blades repositioned at Eren’s nose now. “I don’t know what ever the fuck Reiss made you swallow but you better shit it out because I’m not playing this game Eren. Get us out of here.”

“I can’t,” Eren blurted dumbly.

“What the fuck do you mean you _can’t_?”

Eren shrunk under Captain’s threatening tone. “I..don’t know how?”

He was picked up by the collar and slammed against the wall before he could finish. Face dangerously close to Captain, there was no mistaking in that obvious annoyance across the soldier’s scowl.

“Listen here _Eren Jaeger_ ,” Captain hissed, “there is a _war_ happening and we are on the edge of figuring out exactly what the _fuck_ is up with you and your fellow freak titans. There is no room for ‘I don’t know’s and ‘I can’t’s. That’s not going to save the thousands of lives and the future of this shitty race is it? Now quit being a birdbrain and start acting like the soldier you were valued to be.”

“Get off.”

Grip loosened, Captain faltered back, clearly not expecting his defiance. “What?”

He didn’t know where this sudden anger came from, but Eren gladly let it out with a growl and a hard shove. His eyes lit with quick rage. “I said _get off_.”

The soldier refused to budge, figured it’d take more to move a soldier his strength. Eren had enough though; it was two in the morning and he wasn’t up for crazy theories by an obviously confused man. He prepared to repeat himself when he caught Captain’s unmoving gaze, eyebrows scrunched in concentration.

The man took a step back, lifted his hands, cupped Eren’s chin. Examined his visage, rotating his head just slightly, and moved on to his eyes. Really looked into it, as if Captain was digging in his depths of yellow-green, scrounging for that one _thing_ that made him—

“Not him,” Captain revealed. “You’re not him.”

Eren wondered for a moment who he meant by that, before realising it was this other Eren he mentioned. That heavy weight broke Captain’s string of voice, leaving only a tiring revelation. And for the one instance, a pulling feeling to _be_ the other Eren Jaeger swelled inside his chest.

Except, _that_ was his name as well. “I’m Eren...but I don’t think I’m your Eren.” That came out awfully wrong. The brunet quickly corrected himself. “Who is that?”

Captain took a minute before answering. “My charge. Likes to get himself killed.”

Yellow-green eyes widened in recognition. Captain’s Eren Jaeger was the one titled Humanity’s Last Hope. He suddenly felt small under Captain’s commanding disposition. Here he was, just a college student struggling to get by.

He only shook his head. “I’m not him.”

Captain withdrew his blades, his posture slumped momentarily before composing back to his soldier stance and started around the room. Eren followed his movements, watching as the man gave questioning looks at his belongings.

“And titans?”

He must have still believed he was in the same world. “None, there’re no titans here.”

“No titans...” Captain gave a soft scoff. “What a world to live in.”

.-.

It was blatantly obvious that Eren was going to lose sleep tonight. Captain looked as awake as the sun in midday. Eren awkwardly offered Captain a chair, to which he almost fell over because the man wasn’t expecting a ‘moving piece of shit’.

The student suggested sleep, to which Captain responded with “a soldier doesn’t sleep, not when he’s caught up in a shitstorm like this.” And that shut Eren up. Only for a good few minutes before he blurted out an offer of tea. Captain looked like he was a person who enjoyed tea.

Not wrong there.

The way he held his cup was strange—palm over top, only the tips of his fingers gripping on the edge. It must’ve been difficult, trying to drink with a hand in the way, but Captain demonstrated every bit of his character for the last hour and Eren was already starting to adapt to the strange.

He was currently sitting cross-legged, enjoying the heck out of his tea which Eren so painstakingly made. Tea. At three in the morning. If he hadn’t cared so much, he would’ve gone asleep. But there was a killing-machine here sipping at his green tea and Eren was not going to shut his eyes on him.

“As shitty as that place is, I need to go back.” The soldier stated, a hand still resting on the magic book. Damn the book; all because of it that was currently having Eren repeat himself over and over again.

“I get it—”

“No.” His grip on the cup tightened. “You don’t.”

Eren waited. Captain wasn’t finished.

“Every second is precious time wasted. We got to find him if we want to get anywhere with the war.” Him. _Eren Jaeger_.

“You lost him?”

He swore a tiny crack was heard when Captain stiffened. Wrong choice of words, seeing how his lips tightened into a menacing line.

“The nitwit got himself captured. Now I have _you_ messing things around.” He gave Eren a glance before twitching in disgust. “Inept as always.”

He ignored that jab, choosing to focus more on what happened with Captain. Curiousity grew on him: what happened in his world, to his fallen squadron. To the Female Titan, to Humanity’s Last Hope. The desire to know came rushing in and he found himself asking.

“What is it like?” Captain gave him a ‘please clarify’ look. “Your world, with titans.”

“What do you think?”

Eren kept silent, reprimanding his insensitive mind. Humankind on the brink of extinction and here he was, asking the soldier who’d seen it all how that felt like.

He didn’t Captain would answer. “It’s shit-ugly. Dealing with those hideous faces all the time, blood everywhere. Filthy.” He turned to the window, pitch-black outside but he was still looking, seeing. “Death, blame, guilt. Monsters everywhere.”

“And what are they like?”

“Monsters?”

“Titans.”

Captain gave a dry chuckle, “you want to kill them?”

He figured it was a joke, but Eren shook his head earnestly. “The book says they’re twenty meters tall, how the hell do you guys take these things down?”

“Read the book peanut-brain. We kill them with our gear.”

“That’s hard to imagine. The titans are a hundred times your size, next to impossible to—”

Captain swayed his eyes over to him and for a moment, Eren swore they _shined_. “When you have wings on your back, you can kill a monster.”

.-.

Only on the third ring did Eren rouse from his deep sleep. An annoying sequence of donkey honks, set specifically for an equally annoying person. Jean rarely called this early in the morning because the bum was never up this early. Eren groaned when another whiny snort set off and he wished he had the heart to smash his phone silent.

“What,” grouched his sleep-deprived voice. His head literally hurt from incoming sunlight and he buried his face into the pillow.

“What do you mean ‘what’? Where the hell are you?”

“Bed.”

Jean made a chocked laugh that sounded awfully shocked. “Buddy, you’re actually skipping class!”

“Wha’re you talking about,” Eren forced his head sideways to look at the clock. “It’s only—”

1:48PM.

Classic Lit. was at 1:30.

“Yeah, you better get up schoolboy.”

With a burst of power he didn’t know he had within, Eren shot up from his bed and let his body take over as he scrambled to get ready. He almost forgot about the book from yesterday, tripping over the object lying innocently on the floor, and his mind instantly went back to the most bizarre dream. Magic, character coming to life, Captain—Eren wondered when he’d fallen asleep on the story.

A quick shower, dress-up, a final check in the mirror, and he was down in the kitchen for his makeshift breakfast. If a slice of bread could be even called breakfast.

There was a petite figure roaming in the living room and Eren dutifully walked up for a greet. He was hoping to catch the person by surprise but the old lady had a sixth sense to these things and slighted her head to catch his peck on her cheek.

“Good morning ma’am.”

Her pale golden eyes twinkled and she let on a reprimanding air. “Afternoon Eren, you students have no sense of time. And I’ll have you scrub all the bathtubs if you call me that again.”

Eren gave a playful salute. “Yes sir!” He loved that about his landowner—eighty four years old but still alive and kicking with an adorable sense of humour. It was why even though the house was a good distance from school and not the best place to live, he still stayed in his rented bedroom and kept the widow company.

She turned her attention back outside the window with a nervous glance. “There’s a peculiar man on my lawn, with enormous weapons I believe. I’m not sure if I should call the authorities.”

The bread dropped from his mouth as those words hit his ears. Looking out, there was indeed, a man in very strange clothing and dangerous-looking weapons hung at his hips. His back facing them, he was standing tall and poised and unaware of the funny looks given by passerby.

So very real.

“H-how, how long he’s been there?” Eren squeaked.

“I noticed him when I came down earlier. Thank the gods he hasn’t killed anyone.”

Without a second wasted, Eren dashed out. Events of last night suddenly flushed back and he really had hoped it was all just a dream. Though somewhere along their quiet and broken conversation, Eren had dozed off, leaving Captain to...whatever he was doing. Fortunately there was no need for damage control. Yet.

He grabbed Captain by the arm with a panicked look. “What are you doing? Hurry and get inside before someone accuses you of murder attempt.”

“No walls,” murmured the soldier, ignore Eren completely. “Just...open space.”

His eyes were something along the line of disbelief and Eren wondered himself if it really was all that hard to take it in. On the other hand, here was a person who’d been looking at skyscraper-walls all his life. Captain then wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Smells like piss. Piss on fire.”

He kept that chortle to himself and instead gave another tug. “Welcome to the 21st century, pollution everywhere. C’mon, you need to get inside and I need to go.”

“Where?”

“To class. School, get education.”

“What the hell do you need training for?”

Eren chuckled heartily. It was amusing to see Humanity’s Strongest soldier puzzle himself over these small things. A small tick hit him when he realised there were so much more that Captain would trip himself over and this was just the beginning—if he stayed for long that was.

“Not to train. To learn, discover. Did you know they recently found a human-made cave that got sunken into the sea? _Human-made_.” He stopped before the door and gave Captain the most glittering eyes and eager grin. “There’s so much to know, it’s a big world out there Captain!”

Eren paused when he received a stare, Captain’s eyes glazed with something unfamiliar. He raised his eyebrows in amusement and commented, “still the same.”

Perhaps it was that unexpected tone of his, airy and full of nostalgia that hit Eren like a storm. It could also be the way Captain held his gaze firmly, almost as if refusing to let go. He didn’t know what he meant by that remark—still the same as what? Who? Eren Jaeger.

 _I was always like this, didn’t change_ , was what he wanted to say. Didn’t get a chance to—something stopped him. A rock stuck to the bottom of his throat, what did he want to prove by adding that little commentary? The door then opened, interrupting this comfortable quiet between them.

“Oh my, he is your friend?”

Eren turned to the small woman and was glad to see most of her worried lines gone. “Yes, not to worry. Sorry about all this Pe—”

“Petra.”

It was one revelation after another. Captain was like a jack-in-in-box, popping out surprises after every turn of a second it seemed. Both looked to Captain—currently a man stunned to the ground, a pale ash colour across his face, as if he’d seen a ghost. He kept faith to his cold expression, but a glaze over his silver eyes mirrored that of pain.

 She was the first to recover from the momentary silence, her frizzy grey hair fluffing when she tilted her head. “I’m sorry, have we met before? I don’t seem to remember your lovely face.”

An innocent question, yet it took him so long to finally snap out of his daze. Captain straightened—Eren catching sight of his bony Adam’s Apple tense then relax. A dry chuckle escaped followed by familiar words spoken not too long ago.

“No, my mistake. A different Petra.” His Petra, Eren assumed.

Just like his Eren.

.-.

The rest of the afternoon whizzed by with Eren’s attention barely on his lectures—a rare occurrence since usually by now, there would be at least three pages of aggressively written notes. His mind was somewhere today, in another world with stone walls, giants, and flying soldiers with white and blue wings on their back.

He wondered how Captain was doing. Petra offered to keep him company while Eren left for school, said she had nothing to do anyway. Sure hoped to god he wasn’t unleashing his blades of fury around the house. The sweet old lady still had a few more years to go and a frightful event was the last thing her heart needed.

He could say the same for himself. Not a full day and it had been a crazy ride. Eren was still stuck somewhere on the edge of reality and fantasy. Was he crazy to believe this was all very real? Was he even allowing himself to believe?

Part of him wanted to, held a distinct fascination in finding more about Captain. Maybe it was because of his existing admiration for Levi, tying those two together was easy on the mind. In the short span of time, he could already see eerie similarities between the two—that cynical expression they held, their bold language and dismissive manner. Eren pondered if Captain liked to snub at his subordinates the way Levi did with his students, if Captain would keep his hair long and tie it back if it weren’t for the military life.

So deep in his thoughts, he wasn’t aware of another presence closing in until a throat was cleared and Eren was snapped back to reality. A deja-vu really, seeing that deadpan face again. Eren knew this was going to happen quite frequently in the future. On instinct, Eren thought of only one name at the moment.

“Captain!”

His heart dropped in an instant, then sunk deeper upon seeing Levi’s half-amused look.

“I may be good at what I do Jaeger, but I’m not Captain.”

A flush rolled up to his cheeks and he quickly apologized. “I was reading something earlier. Guess it reminded me of you.” More than just a small reminder, but Levi didn’t need to know that.

“Oh? How so?”

The brunet offered a twinkling smile. “For starters, Captain’s got much of the same potty-mouth as someone I know.”

Levi merely scoffed. “Cheeky. I assume this is the story you’ll be writing your report on?”

He paused for a moment before deciding that yeah, “that’s _the_ story.” His heart would take no other.

“And what is it about?”

Eren clicked his tongue an affirmative. “Can’t spoil my analysis. You’ll have to wait for the grand finale.”

The TA gave a chuckle, a precious moment not to be forgotten since he rarely allowed anyone the luxury of that sight. “Don’t disappoint, Jaeger.”

He didn’t know what it was but even a short exchange of words with his TA could bring a burst of energy to his spirit. He felt…good. A little afraid to say happy so…’content’ was the better word. He was always in a content mood after talking with Levi.

Carrying an extra skip in his steps, Eren made his way home. Thinking of seeing that same face once again brought out a chuckle but not without a speck of concern. He’d been out for the entire afternoon and into the night and who knew how the man was holding up.

Turned out, Eren didn’t have to worry much. To his surprise, he came back to a peaceful conversation over tea (of course) between Petra and Captain. Miraculously, she had convinced him to shake off his gear and Eren noted the different air Captain held without the heavy artillery and army jacket. He appeared…more at ease, expression still as blank but more lax. It must’ve been sweet old Petra’s usual magic of putting anyone at ease.

“Welcome back Eren,” greeted Petra. “We were just talking about you.”

“Good things, I hope.” Eren pulled up a chair and sat leaning forward against the back.

“Petra talked about your expeditions,” Captain said. “You’ve spread your germs to a lot of places.”

Petra giggled. “Trips deary, not expeditions. Your friend is quite the character, it’s such a pleasure talking with him.”

This brings a smile. Eren’s glad that Petra enjoyed herself. The household included only the two of them and he couldn’t help but sense her loneliness at times. Eren glanced over to Captain and found a rather serene expression, eyes closed with a hint of a curve on his lips.

“You…too,” he hesitated. “It’s…nice having to talk to you.”

 _Again_. Eren could hear it in his head—that trailing word left unsaid.

He soon ushered Captain to his room, allowing Petra some time to rest. They still needed to figure out what exactly was going on with the book.

“You’ve been outside this city many times.”

“Yeah, I used to travel a lot when I was a kid.”

“And the only place you haven’t gone to is ‘Asia’?”

“More like continent,” Eren corrects. An idea popped up and he went to dig up something in his closet. “Japan’s my next destination. That’s where Mikasa’s homeland is.”

“..Mikasa…”

If he wasn’t so focused on finding the thing, Eren would’ve noticed that strange tone in Captain’s voice again. With an excited sound, Eren pulled out a large piece of rolled-up poster and laid it across the floor.

“The world map,” he explained. “Shows all the places humans have explored and lived.”

“And those red dots, battlegrounds?” Captained referred to the messily coloured-in circles on the map.

“Where I’ve been to. Personally I like Europe the best. Beautiful country defined by its long history of culture.” Eren pointed to a large piece of land on the left. “And here’s us.”

Captain touched the five large strips of blue connected together at one point. “You’re close to the ocean.”

Eren exploded in laughter. “Far from it! These are just the Great Lakes, pretty big for lakes actually, but nothing compared to oceans.” His hand hovered over the entire spread of blue across the map. “ _These_ are.”

Grey eyes widened slightly in wonder. “They’re…big.”

Eren hummed in agreement. “Big and beautiful. It’s a whole other world in there.”

They shared a comfortable silence. Eren thought back to his trips and relished in the imagery his memories held of all the places he went. Captain looked every bit as interested as he was during his conversation with Petra, a flicker of desire.

“Have you,” Eren paused, “have you seen it?”

“What.”

“The ocean, lakes.”

Captain kept his gaze on the map, fingertips still lingering on the blue surface. He replied in a low voice, “When you’re surrounded by walls and titans, you don’t see shit.”

And he had no idea what came over. Maybe this urge to show Captain his world, the beauty of their world. And half of it was like instinct coming from somewhere but Eren cried out all of a sudden, “I’ll show you!”

That was when Captain’s attention flew to him, and the brunet gulped.

“I can show you, the lake anyway. It’s no ocean, but still amazing. And we can cross it, to Centre Island! There’s a huge park there, and a nice little beach and—and,” Eren bit his lips, growing anxious and feeling smaller by the second. Captain was giving that blank expression again, hard to read. But who was he kidding—of course the man wasn’t interested in that. He needed to get back to—

The book.

Eren quickly searched around for the book and grabbed it upon seeing it on his desk. “Right, we gotta get you back. Maybe the book can hel—”

“Eren.” The boy looked up as Captain took the object out of his hand, notably gripping hard on the book. “What do you think happens after death?”

An out of the blue question that he was utterly unprepared for. “I...haven’t thought about that.”

“Nothing happens. Death is death. We move on. Life moves on, time moves on.” Captain’s steel-gray eyes locked firmly with Eren’s yellow-greens and Eren’s chest held its air. “The dead moves on, into a new life. A new world, maybe a better one.”

He wasn’t sure what Captain was meaning to say but his chest inflated with firework sparks when the soldier demanded, gave him permission, allowed Eren to—

“Show me your world. Let’s see just how crappy it is compared to mine.”

He could only resolve himself to say, “it’d be my pleasure, Captain.”

.-.

That night, Captain finally succumbed to sleep.

Petra helped Eren set up a makeshift bed, using what was left of the little space of his room to try and make it most comfortable. Captain didn’t complain one bit about how lumpy and rusty the mattress was or how there was a suspicious-looking stain on a pillow they found in the storage, just flopped right on and laid sideways with an arm tucked under.

Eren figured it was finally all too much for him—even a super-soldier needed rest. He washed up for the night and diligently crept up to his own bed trying not to disturb the man. Couldn’t help but to take a look though.

Captain looked so different when he was asleep—serene and relaxed with no creased lines of worry between his eyebrows. His frown gone, chin tucked a little into the poof of his cravat. _Harmless_ was what Eren wanted to say.

Eren wasn’t aware of how long he stared, merely forced himself to lie back down some time later feeling a little flushed.

_So that’s how Levi looks when he’s asleep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this loosely follows the current events in the manga; written before ch.63. uneventful chapter but intro's over and done with; im excited to show heichou our world now. and thank you for all the comments and kudos; wasn’t expecting such enthusiasm and warm response. you are all very sweet darlings!
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated! you can also find me on [tumblr](no-other-words.tumblr.com).


	3. I'm Doing Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren’s heart stilled under the intensity of Captain’s gaze. He was spoken to, yes, but it was like these words were for him only. Again he felt that gnawing feeling—something Captain knew that he didn’t. 
> 
> “Eren.”
> 
> “Yes Captain.”
> 
> “Let me meet your family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks to the lovely [OokamiNoShippitsu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OokamiNoShippitsu/pseuds/OokamiNoShippitsu) for beta-ing this chapter. Without you, this chapter would've been filled with grammar mistakes and awkwardness.

_You never told me your secret. Then again, I suppose even you didn’t know. But imagine the looks on our faces when we found out—all because we were careless and you wanted to protect us in the end._

_Didn’t matter and still doesn’t matter now. The power of your secret is safe with us. We will protect you. All of us, even him._

_ Always _ _will._

_I swear._

.-.

“And you’re eating regularly? No skipping meals?”

“Yup, got my noodles right here.” Eren raised his bowl of instant noodles in front of the webcam and snickered at his mother’s disapproved look.

A lazy Sunday with little-to-no schoolwork meant a Skype-session with the head of the Jaeger household. Technology did wonders—brought back that bitter feeling of missing someone even though Eren was fine on his own.

School was becoming busier and Eren’s one-track mind had forgotten to call the family. A pathetic excuse, Eren admitted as he bore his mother’s scolding. Mikasa had done better than him in this aspect, checking in whenever she had the chance. He was hoping to make up for his thoughtlessness during Thanksgiving, when the family got together for the first time since school started.

Eren leaned back against his chair to catch the sound of running water in the other room, glad to hear no bumps and curses from his guest. It was just another day in and Captain was spitting left to right about how filthy he was and how badly he needed a wash. A long and entertaining process—explaining the shower and plumbing system to the mesmerized captain. Never had he seen anyone study the toilet so attentively before.

An airplane whisked across the sky outside in a thunderous roar, drowning out his mother’s voice and surrounding noises for a few seconds. A loud bang came from behind in the following silence and the next thing he knew, he was yanked back into a corner by a very naked man, soap bubbles and all, and dumped in the corner with Captain hovering protectively over him.

Eren was very aware of Captain’s current state. Having the wind knocked out of him, he still couldn’t catch a breath and the rather strong arm holding vigil around his shoulders was unrelenting. It was hot; no doubt from Captain’s fresh-out-of-shower heat—never mind the wetness seeping through his shirt but his mind was swimming with mist and muscles.

“Wh-what are you doing?!”

Captain donned an ominous look. Muscle tense and eyes dangerous to kill, he spared Eren a sharp glance before focusing out the window with high alert.

“We’re under attack, dipshit. Be quiet.”

“We’re not—that’s nothing! Don’t worry about it, it’s just an airplane.”

Captain’s jaws were tense, his arm around Eren refusing to let go. It may be nothing for the boy, but all of Captain’s senses were heightened with alarm. Years of war taught the soldier that nothing could never be ‘nothing’.

Eren tried not to let his eyes go astray—take a peek, because it was very easy for the human eyes to just slide...down...just a teeny bit and perhaps witness humanity’s greatest human organ at work. Self-control was a skill gained from practice, and currently Eren was...practicing (much effort).

Not Karla. She was already past that age of modesty.

“Oh my...”

Eren looked up to see his mother stare blatantly at the two round globes facing the computer screen. Shameless as she was when a giggle escaped. At least she had the decency to blush.

“Mom!” Eren quickly grabbed the closest piece of clothing and concealed Captain’s bareness, only to be very aware how his hands were cupping The Bum with his dirty briefs. He squeaked at the man’s sharp glare and whimpered upon hearing his mother’s burst of laughter.

“Can you please look away?!”

“I would deny myself a rare privilege if I did.”

“Mom!”

“Jaeger,” Captain warned. They were both well aware where the boy’s hands were rested on.

Eren turned them around and pushed Captain out the room. “Finish your shower and _get dressed_.”

Before the door was slammed in his face, Captain cautioned Eren, “don’t rub your filthy undergarment on me.”

Karla waited patiently on the other side of the screen, watching Eren’s slowly-taken steps across the room before he settled himself in. She wore a knowing grin and one could only guess what was going through that senile mind of hers. Eren let out a groan and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Mom...”

“New friend?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“From the same school?”

“Yeah, my TA from mythology.” Eren didn’t know what came over him but his mouth ran on before his mind could realise what little fib he’d just spat out.

“Well that’s new,” Karla remarked with a surprised look. “But I guess it’s good you’re reaching out to different circles. He does look...responsible.”

Karla and her double-meanings. There was no need for explicit translations when Eren was her son. With a few words exchanged, Eren could guess where she was headed towards and this conversation was no exception. Before any innuendos could be made, he quickly swayed her attention.

“I’ll be home for Thanksgiving, maybe Friday afternoon?”

A bright smile flashed through the screen. “Wonderful! I’ll be sure to make your favourites. Will the charming fellow be coming as well?”

The woman had a way with bringing back undesired topics. It took Eren a while to divert the conversation elsewhere that didn’t include a certain naked man who introduced himself with soap bubbles, and it might’ve been Karla’s act of mercy to let that subject go. He was sure it’d come up again during Thanksgiving dinner.

Captain strolled in just when the video-call was over, thankfully fully-dressed this time. Eren’s spare shirt was a bit too small for Captain’s muscular build, leaving little left to imagination for even the dullest of minds. More lax his expression was, far from earlier when he thought a threat had come, and Eren noted how much younger the soldier appeared when rid of the stress, exhaustion, and constant tension of battle.

“That was your mother.”

A statement rather than a question. It was with no surprise when strangers could easily relate Eren and Karla as family—it was hard to miss the passionate yellow-green in both their eyes and their spitfire charm. What took Eren back was that resigned expression across Captain’s face. Something he knew that Eren didn’t.

“Yeah, she has this rule for me that I have to call her at least once every week,” explained Eren as he swivelled in his chair. “Don’t think she’s gotten used to the empty nest at home.”

“She looks well. Very lively.”

Eren shrugged. “She likes to keep busy, but we try to not let her overwork herself. Doesn’t really help her low blood pressure.” His expression darkened at an unwanted memory. “Had an incident once. Mom fainted on the stairs and no one was with her. Good thing it was only her arm that was broken and not anything more severe.”

“Then once a week isn’t enough, soldier,” Captain’s rather solid voice ran the room. “Never know when the sky’s going to drop a big shit on you one day and you’ll lose it all.”

Eren took in his words and softened his look. “Does the sky shit on you every day Captain? In your world?”

“Who’s to say?” Captain crossed his arms and looked out the window, watching as the clouds peacefully roll by. “Are you certain you’ll see your friends and family tomorrow?”

He was speaking from experience, a personal conviction derived from years of experience living in his reality. A reality where death was easier to come by than Eren’s reality.

“My world isn’t populated by titans,” Eren started softly. “It’s not certain I’ll see them again but it’s safe here. Much safer...”

“This is life I’m talking about, Jaeger. There is no distinction between your world or mine. It’s all the same clusterfuck we’re unfortunate enough to live in.”

The gravity in his tone made Eren’s gaze on Captain linger. His gray eyes flashed for a moment, telling Eren there was that something again, that Captain knew and he didn’t. Captain flopped on the edge of the bed and grabbed the day’s newspaper off the floor. He glossed over the front page, no look of surprise in his eyes but a grimace still appeared.

“No titans doesn’t mean you’re safe. Just one less shitstorm to worry about.” He tossed the newspaper over to Eren. “There are monsters everywhere, Eren. No less danger from the way I see it.”

**70 TH ANNIVERSARY – remembering World War Two**

**TERROR IN OTTAWA – 5 killed, 120 injured**

**RON CONNY GUILTY – life sentence for serial killer**

Eren’s grip on the newspaper hardened, lips curled in to be bitten in guilt. Captain was right, how could he forget? Just because his everyday life was a peaceful one didn’t mean all dangers and threats were nonexistent. Twenty-one years in this world and he should know by now who the real monsters were—the most terrifying and biggest threat to mankind.

“And your old man?”

The quick change of subject snapped Eren out of daze. “Dad? Yeah, he’s good, one of the medical researchers at a facility.”

Captain’s pulled up in a dry grin. “Not dominating the world I hope.”

“That’s more like Armin.” Eren put the newspaper aside, more than willing to take up Captain’s offer of a change in subject. “The genius wants to invent some next level laser technology. Scary to know what’s going on inside his mind.”

“The brains huh.”W

Eren nodded enthusiastically. It was refreshing speaking about his smart-aleck of a friend to someone new. About time to start using his rights to brag about Armin the wise.

“He’s always been like this, a child prodigy. Knew the alphabet before anyone in kindergarten, always at the top of the class. He mastered piano, violin, and the flute before high school even started and graduated with honours in every subject. Makes you wonder how he does it...that and he has the time to read about quantum theory.”

Eren paused, “Never one for sports though. Mikasa’s the best out of us three.”

Captain chuckled, “Not surprised.”

Eren cocked his head in inquiry but Captain ignored it. These frequent little remarks were mysterious and puzzling. He liked to believe Captain habitually spoke himself. He’d grown accustomed to it—since he’d never get answer from the reserved man every time he questioned.

A thought occurred to him and Eren quickly rushed to his closet, digging deep for an old memory. He came out with a small book in hand and quickly settled beside Captain.

“Mom made the ultimate photo album for me when I moved to school. Says I’ll need it when I’m feeling homesick.” Eren’s eyes gleamed in excitement as he flipped through the album, emotions suddenly hitting him at all the memories from years ago. He felt proud to show off his close friends, especially to someone as esteemed as Captain.

“Long hair,” Captain remarked when he happened upon an old picture of Mikasa.

“Yeah, she used to keep it long. Cut it off suddenly for some strange reason when high school started.”

Captain quickly took over and started from the beginning of the album, lingering slightly on every photo. Eren kept his voice to himself, afraid to break the delicate silence that he felt Captain needed somehow. Only when questions were posed did Eren become more comfortable in making casual commentaries.

A pleasant walk down memory lane. He was glad he showed the album to Captain.

“And this...” murmured Captain in a strange soft voice. “This is your mother?”

Eren hummed with heartfelt warmth. It was an old photo taken shortly after his birth. Karla was in bed holding the sleeping babe and she had the most tender expression. He wasn’t going to lie and say twenty years didn’t affect her, but she still radiated the same beauty to this day.

“Tiny bundle of joy you were huh? Wonder what happened.”

Eren huffed with a pout. “I became even cuter, that’s what.”

He flipped the page to prove his claim and there they were—more pictures of his childhood. Each archiving his growth and personal moments of happiness and achievements. His first bike ride with dad, playing in the dirt with Armin, arm-wrestling with Mikasa, basketball games with Jean. A little embarrassment rolled over to have Captain see his silly side, but the latter didn’t make attempts at teasing.

“A pretty good life you had there,” Captain observed.

“Yeah, I’d say so. I was a happy kid, I guess. A little _too_ happy sometimes, unfortunately for my mom.”

“And it’s going to remain that way.”

Eren blinked, not sure where this declaration came from. “Yeah...I hope so. I mean why not?”

Captain nodded and returned to the photos. Fingers glossed over a family portrait taken during the holidays, eyes lit in nostalgic mist. Nothing occurred to Eren to explain this sudden change of character and he only sat quietly for a next revelation. What came out surprised him to no ends.

“Eren.”

“Yes Captain.”

“Let me meet your family.”

Blink. And then another.

“You sure?” He weakly joked. “Mom can be a little overbearing and then there’s Mikasa...my family’s a bit on the crazy side.”

“Eren.”

The boy’s heart skipped a beat, his attention fully on Captain.

“I want you to keep this in your mind. If anything; take what you have today and cherish it like no tomorrow.” His sharp gray eyes intently locked Eren’s own in heated resolve.

“There are good people, good men like you who have lost it all. Who rely on nothing but memories. Memories only _you_ have the power to make. So make them count, Jaeger. Make every fucking second count.”

Eren’s heart stilled under the intensity of Captain’s gaze. He was spoken to, yes, but it was like these words were for _him_ only. Again he felt that gnawing feeling— _something Captain knew that he didn’t_. And whatever it was, these words held the answer.

He could only give a complying response—

“Thanksgiving it is then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while, had to read and re-read 10kP to get into the swing of things again (been focusing on holiday-themed stories). then i began and finished pride and prejudice halfway so my tone is all over the place in this chapter. and honest to god i really apologize for the lack of events here—this seems more like a filler than a plot-point.
> 
> you can also find me on tumblr if you’re up for any chit-chats: no-other-words.


	4. Things Have Been Happening Lately

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brunet quickly reacted and pulled down Captain’s hood, though it was too late.
> 
> Jean narrowed his eyes at the smaller man then peered at Eren, muttering, “Is that Ackerman?”
> 
> His cheeks were still flushed from before, but now his ears are going red again. And Jean could see the rise and fall of his chest, too aware of how visually noticeable Eren’s stress could be when he’s stuck in a dilemma. Aware of how terrible of a liar he was.
> 
> “Are those...your clothes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the slightest mention of religion. special thanks to [OokamiNoShippitsu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OokamiNoShippitsu/pseuds/OokamiNoShippitsu) for the wondering job at beta-ing my drafts. and thank you so much for all the comments and kudos—your enjoyment and support are my sources of joy and motivation!

_Wherever you are right now, whoever you are. Whatever you are. You’re not alone. We’re with you. Like we always were. We’ll fight alongside you, support you. You don’t have to fight alone, you don’t need to. You have us._

_Let us make some sacrifices. Let us take some of the burden—they’re not yours only._

.-.

Three-minute showers, heightened senses, full-house inspections, and 2-3 hours of sleep.

No longer did Eren react to Captain’s strange tendencies. It had become a part of his morning routine—waking up to a wide-eyed soldier leaning against the window and watching the sun rise. A rather pleasant sight, Eren admitted, something he now looked forward to every morning. He knew Captain was behaving out of habit developed from war, but he felt safe. Personally protected.

He was more than concerned when he discovered Captain hadn’t slept much for the first few days. Eren was scared it was due to the change in environment, but the solder reassured him that this was ‘normal’—whatever his definition of normal was.

“When you’re at war with the world all your life, your eyes don’t take leisure rests.” His gray eyes flashed to Eren in quick mirth. “That and your thundering snores keeps me awake.”

Eren dismissed the topic as quick as his embarrassment came.

.-.

“And what in a titan’s forbidden ass is that?”

Captain was giving the large metal contraption in front of him the biggest death glare, eyes full of distrust.

“The bus, Captain. Public transportation.”

“Where’s your horse? Like hell I’m going in some moving box built for prisoners.”

Eren choked a laugh and looked at the offended soldier victoriously. “If you want to come with, better follow my rules.”

Figured that person who used to sail openly across the skies would be suffocating caged inside four walls all day. Sweet patient Petra could no longer keep Captain preoccupied and entertained in the house with tea-talks and cleaning sessions. Captain had wanted out.

Eren tried to keep the soldier at bay, pleading him not to take another step out the premises. The long weekend was coming up and then, Captain could flit around a free bird wherever he wanted to while they visited the family. But he wanted none of that later—he wanted _now_. He wanted to see, quote-unquote, what sort of brain-regressing activities Eren was wasting his life on.

And under Petra’s light scolding—apparently he was being a terrible host and everyone knows how much Eren listens to the old lady—Eren reluctantly gave the okay to bring Captain to campus.

He wondered how anyone could handle Captain’s crude stubbornness. How _his_ Eren could ease this rigid mind. _Eren_ ’s Levi wouldn’t be so difficult—way more mature and understanding than Captain. The brunet flushed at the thought of Levi being ‘his’—there was really no need to distinguish who’s whose.

But there was a need to make sure those two never met. That no one recognize Captain.

Thus why he donned the biggest hoodie Eren could find, hood over Captain’s head so his face was partially covered. Loose, hanging clothes and baggy pants—completely opposite to Levi’s trademark style. He protested at first, but Eren managed to quiet Humanity’s Strongest with four undeniable words.

“My world, my rules.”

They were also why Captain had no sassy arguments when Eren introduced him to the campus library, hesitantly informing him in the nicest way possible that he was leaving the soldier here for the day while he attended class. He didn’t seem to mind, in fact, he wore an awestruck expression.

“My...friend would have appreciated this,” Captain commented absentmindedly. “He’d love it too.”

Eren looked down, not sure who _he_ Captain was referring to, but he had a good idea. He led them to an empty study room in the farthest corner of the library. “I’ll let you have fun here. _Please_ don’t go off somewhere. I’ll come back as soon as I’m done for the day. Won’t be long.”

“Your words, Jaeger, better not turn to shit.”

Eren came to learn quickly that this was Captain’s way of giving approval.

.-.

It wasn’t like anything before, the way Eren sat anxiously in his seat waiting for class to end. He tapped his pen impatiently, waiting for the clock to strike 12 so he could get out. Dread was crawling in Eren with every second gone by, the worst situations involving Captain playing in his mind. He’d be okay, Eren tried to convince himself, but he never had the best of luck.

“Would you stop that?” Jean hissed, finally having enough of his tapping. “I can’t concentrate on my game with you tap-dancing there.”

Eren ignored him but ceased when Levi gave him a pointed look. Ashamed he was already, for being inattentive and restless in his tutorial, and he was even more so to be the first one out the room when class was over. There was only one thing flashing in his mind and that was Captain.

To be in complete relief when he found the man right where Eren first left him was an understatement. He even cracked a smile, noticing the stack of books.

“Found something interesting?”

Captain didn’t spare him a glance, eyes scanning the book in his hands. “It’s impressive how you modern people separate mythology from history.”

Eren cast him a questioning look. Captain showed the book’s cover— _Greek Mythology: The Titans—_ and looked expectantly at the boy, waiting for some kind of explanation.

“We...that’s because...they should be separated.”

Captain slammed a finger to a picture of a titan in the book. “Have you not been paying attention to me? These might be the very titans that we’ve been fighting. On one hand, you write them off as stories and _fictional_ yet on the other, you look to them as gods and higher beings, recording their history in official documents. Worship them. Why do you identify them as separate things?”

“Because they’re _fictional_. History and religion are real. Titans and other mythical creatures...they’re not...real.  They’re just old tales made up by people from thousands of years ago. How do you believe in something as imaginary as that?”

“How do you distinguish truth from centuries’ old fiction?”

Eren didn’t answer.

Captain gritted his teeth. “‘History is a set of lies agreed upon.’” And he turned back to the book, giving no sign of leaving the study room. Eren stood gaping, surprised to hear Captain quote Napoléon. An entire afternoon was not wasted on Captain it seemed, having read such vast variety of books. He was about to object when a familiar voice silenced his vocal cords and he immediately shut the study room door, straightening his back to block the door-window.

It was a scene he feared the most—his TA in front of him looking suspicious as ever and obviously curious while his doppelganger was on the other side of the door. His heart was pounding heavily against his chest and he could only try to keep his head cool. Be calm—do small talk and say your goodbyes. If everything goes smoothly (granted Captain doesn’t pop out), Levi wouldn’t notice a thing.

“Being a little sneaky raccoon today, leaving my tutorial so abruptly like that.”

“S-sorry about that. I needed to do something.”

“Some _one_ you mean,” Levi corrected, his eyes pointing to the door behind Eren. “Someone very special apparently for you to be so eager to leave my tutorial.”

Eren didn’t meet his eyes, knew the tip of his ears were red.

“Girlfriend?” Levi pressed.

“No!”

He bellowed a little too urgently, too loudly. It really didn’t help, considering Levi’s raised eyebrow, and Eren bit his lip in anxiety. Back pressed tightly against the door, hoping that Captain would keep his attention on his books.

“I...don’t have...” he tried to justify himself. “I mean I don’t prefer...the umm, the opposite...sex.”

A hot flush came to Eren’s cheeks, his embarrassment uncontainable. No idea why he disclosed that personal bit of himself—it wasn’t like his idol of a teacher’s assistant would care and if anything, it could greatly affect how Levi would now view him.

“Is that so,” Levi said, an unrecognizable tone to his voice. “Welcome to the club, beanstalk.”

.-.

He still wore a bewildered expression as they walked out of campus, paying little mind to Captain next to him. Did Levi Ackerman, eccentric Master’s student with an unusual way of words and profound understanding to the hidden lines of history and literature, just announce his personal preference to Eren? Did well-dressed, well-kept, _good-looking_ Levi follow Eren to the library to check up on him, for his weird behaviour today? Did he just earn a _nickname_ from Levi?

His cheeks warmed to the thought, of Levi’s concern. He didn’t know he was such a favoured student of his. He even grew redder.

“You look like you really need to shit,” Captain stated.

“I’m _happy_.”

Not even Captain’s nasty choice of words could bring his high down. Nor his awful scowl when they had to take the bus again. What could possibly crash his euphoria would be the sound of Jean’s voice.

“Eren?”

The brunet quickly reacted and pulled down Captain’s hood, though it was too late.

Jean narrowed his eyes at the smaller man then peered at Eren, muttering, “Is that Ackerman?”

His cheeks were still flushed from before, but now his ears are going red again. And Jean could see the rise and fall of his chest, too aware of how visually noticeable Eren’s stress could be when he’s stuck in a dilemma. Aware of how terrible of a liar he was.

“Are those...your clothes?”

Breathing just escalated ten-fold and his head was getting hotter. Why was it suddenly so stuffy in here? Was the ventilation broken on this bus? Eren tightened his grip on Captain’s wrist, silently pleading him not to intervene. But nothing could stop Jean from his speculations.

“You two live...in the same direction huh.”

Not a question anymore, but an allegation.

Jean didn’t need Eren’s response. His completely flushed face and dizzied eyes were enough. With a knowing smirk, he stepped off the bus when his stop arrived.

“Nice.”

.-.

Eren appreciated Jean’s appearance. Spiritually thanked his keen observations and blatant questions, for it flashed Eren a critical reminder and created a new priority for the day. There was no way they were going back home with Captain wearing Eren’s clothes. Karla was too keen on things like this and after the Skype incident, he didn’t need any more complications.

“We passed your house, idiot.”

“Need to stop by someplace, we’re getting you clothes.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one to be disgusted in sharing your putrid articles?”

“If you want to meet my mom, then you better put up a good appearance.”

That shut him up, though Eren quickly felt guilty for such a snappy response.

“A magical place, Captain. I’m bringing you to a magical place.”

Said place was Wal-Mart.

A sacred haven for students, last resort for the poor, repository of all that is needed and wanted. Home for desperate souls like a certain lad by the name of Eren Jaeger, who could only afford 97 cents cup noodles (taxes no included) and almost-expired whole-wheat bread.

A source of affordable clothes with passable quality to be worn on naked skin.

“Pretty damn magical,” Captain said flatly. “I can feel glittering rainbows shooting out of my ass.”

With a few swipes through the racks, Eren made a nice pile of for the man to try on, which was reduced to only a few choices by a certain picky person. The guy was high maintenance; even without reading the labels, he trusted fully on his sense of touch and picked only materials with 100% cotton. No jeans either—‘restricted his bowel movements’ and he claimed he rather liked wearing Eren’s sweatpants.

Lying he’d be if Eren denied that he was disappointed to not have seen Captain in jeans. But he stood back and evaluated the end results, clicking his tongue as he noted how different Captain looked. Opposed to chic and preppy style that Levi was known for, this man was all comfort and laid-back.

Good enough to meet his parents.

Once finished checking out, Eren found no soldier by his side and he could only sigh. He should’ve known to keep a closer eye on Captain. Wal-Mart was an addictive place when you were bored and there were much to see.

Enough heart-stopping adventure for one day, please and thank you.

But he had a feeling of where just to look.

If not tea, then it was to the cleaning section.

And there he was—in the middle of the aisle stood a speculating Captain, eyes scanning the shelves and carefully evaluating every product. Eren found it amusing—he’d never seen anyone so enthusiastic and attentive in the cleaning aisle before. After obediently following Eren’s rules the whole day, he should allow this moment for Captain.

“Would you look at that.” Captain grabbed a particular bottle. “ _Toilet_ cleaner. That’s the dirty excuse of a bowl where you dump your piss and shit in right?”

“They’re not—”

“We need one.”

Eren did not argue. When it came to cleanliness and hygiene, he wouldn’t bother.

Captain focused in on the labels many times, unable to distinguish what the hell was what in amidst this wild collection of, quote-unquote, rainbow-puking containers. What the fuck’s the difference between original and non-scented? Why is the green one cheaper than the yellow one? How does ‘breezy ocean’ smell like? Eren was surprised to see that while the man had his obsessions, he still held a strong sense of a soldier’s efficiency.

Not the Swiffer section however; he had the most fun in that section. Every broom, every WetJet, every Duster, he _caressed_ with awe and splendor. A child at heart was what Eren witnessed for the first time, and he desperately wanted to snap a lasting photo of this rare moment.

“We have this?” Captain asked, referring to the Swiffer Duster.

“Yep, we’re proud owners of the entire Swiffer collection. It’s easy on Petra’s back.”

Captain gave an approving nod. “Magical place indeed.”

When he was finally satisfied with his marvelling and a basket full of cleaning supplies, they moved to the check-out line. No protest came from Eren upon seeing the many bars of soap, air-fresheners, surface wipes, and toilet sprays. A happy Captain meant a happy Eren.

Just in the corner of his eyes, Eren caught a young boy sneaking pack of gum into his packet. Snatching his wrist away, he said in a low voice and with a stern look, “There are things in this world that we can and cannot do. Stealing is one of those that we must never do.”

Ignoring the boy’s terrified and silenced state, Eren kept a strong grip on his wrist and waited for the cashier. When it was their turn, Captain placed the cleaning supplies on the counter and watched as Eren also added the pack of gum.

“Don’t let me catch you again, kay?” He said afterwards, ruffling the boy’s hair, and watched as the boy ran off.

He turned to Captain and caught his pensive stare. “What?” He was given a small smile and that distant look in Captain’s gray eyes.

“Still the same. Exactly like him.”

Captain rarely talked about his Eren.

Eren wasn’t sure if he wanted Captain to.

.-.

That night, Captain began to talk out of the blue, something on a story he read in the library.

“This girl was terminally ill. She began making paper cranes so her wish can be granted. Or some crap like that.”

“Hmm, _A Thousand Cranes_. A true story. Every thousand paper cranes would grant you one wish.”

“She didn’t make it in the end. Why waste her life on something so trivial?”

“It gave her hope, Captain. Motivation, a will to live. She put her hope and dreams in those paper cranes. Wasn’t for nothing.”

Captain stared at the ceiling with a distant look.

“Hopes and dreams, huh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late update because school and co-op job-searches :’( but hopefully i’ll have another chapter out by the end of this weekend before midterm and interviews start piling in. as always, thanks for reading and any comments/questions are greatly welcomed!
> 
> if you do so wanna chat on tumblr, look me up at [no-other-words.](http://no-other-words.tumblr.com)


	5. We're All Fighting So Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Captain,” Eren started, two steps behind the man. “What’s your Eren like?”
> 
> The tiniest falter in his steps, but the soldier kept on walking.
> 
> “He as nosy as me? Any good at exterminating titans? Smart as me? Handsome, like me—?”
> 
> “He’s like you. Just like you.”
> 
> Eren thought Captain would turn around when he stopped, at least turn his head and look his way. Instead, he was still faced with a back who refused to move for him.
> 
> “He’s just like me,” the boy repeated weakly, “or I’m just like him?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a late update but expect it so because midterms period (criesss Q_Q); but this is a longer chapter(?) a very big thank you to [OokamiNoShippitsu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OokamiNoShippitsu/pseuds/OokamiNoShippitsu) for being such a darling beta and fixing up my silly mistakes (i'm learning so much from you :').
> 
> and a big, heart-warming thanks from me to you for all the support and encouragement from you guys. thank you for giving this story a chance, thank you for staying on the ride, thank you for all your lovely and sweet messages!!

_If I ever look back to those days, I think I’d regret not looking after you more. It was always the other way around, wasn’t it? You were fighting hard enough for the both of us. While I directed my eyes on a far-off dream that cannot be fulfilled now. And Captain...well Captain was being Captain._

_If I had known, I think I would’ve pulled you out. Before any of these horrifying, soul-sucking truths could reach you._

.-.

They lived just outside the suburbs, where the countryside took over. Home base was a 700-acres piece of land, abundant in vegetation and cows that lazed over the rolling hills. The horses liked to take shade under a small patch of trees at the edge of their property, and it was the first thing Eren saw when the bus turned the corner.

Home sweet home.

“There it is,” he said excitedly to Levi.

“Look at that bigass land.”

“It was mom’s idea to own a farm.”

Their journey home was a long one. Eren worried that Captain wouldn’t make it quarter-way through before he’d want out the cramped school bus. Surprisingly, the man kept himself distracted with origami. He quickly taught himself the process and had been busying folding cranes lately. Eren was befuddled by the sudden interest—what for, he’d ask.

No surprise, Captain kept quiet.

“They’re...bright gold,” Captain voiced his observations of the trees lining along their fence.

“Wait ‘till you head down to the conservation. Stunning view.”

Before Eren even reached the porch, his mother swung the door open. She outstretched her arms, demanding her son’s embrace.

“Oh my sugar-sweet! How are you?” Karla kissed Eren on both sides, pinching his cheeks in the process. “You’ve gotten got skinnier since I last saw you, have you been eating well?”

“Mom please,” Eren begged, glancing at Captain who wasn’t hiding his amusement. Karla looked at him and immediately switched over, pulling the man into a welcome hug. Stunned was an understatement when it came to Captain’s reaction, poor man stood still in Karla’s embrace, as if he was afraid of touching her.

“It is a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“This is...umm,” Eren stilled, suddenly how he needed to address Captain a different name. He blurted out the first name that came up. “Levi. Ackerman. He’s my, uhh, TA from school.”

Captain was unfazed, remaining surprisingly silent during the whole ordeal. He kept a fixed eye on Eren’s mom with a pensive expression.

Eren took it as a go-ahead for his given alias, but with discomfort. Calling Captain ‘Levi’ seemed inappropriately informal, too _intimate_. He should’ve thought ahead, practiced or something. His family would definitely question why voicing out a simple name would cause Eren to stammer and redden—they’d question their relationship.

What _was_ their relationship? Acquaintance? Friends? Companions sharing a special bond formed by the mysteries of the universe that literally defined all laws of physics and reality? Eren never looked into it. All this time, he had just been _comfortable_ in Captain’s presence. He’d never really questioned Captain’s existence. It just seemed right.

It was hard to define; unlike he and Levi’s relationship. Student and TA, senior and underclassman. He guessed they were more than just acquaintances. Friends perhaps...or well. That day in the library definitely took an unexpected direction.

Eren wasn’t so sure anymore, and he stood lost in thought until his mom called out to him. Captain was already inside, struggling against another quirky member of the Jaeger family. Their four year-old Great Pyrenees, when on his hind paws, could easily match up to an adult’s height and Captain was no exception.

Eren enjoyed a small laugh as the put-off soldier pulled his face back as far as possible to avoid the dog’s eager licking.

“MooMoo down.”

The huge canine withdrew from Levi, nuzzling Mikasa’s hand before proceeding to attack Eren. His sister and Captain shared a mutual nod, assessing each other in the silent process, Captain holding a foreign look in his observation. They exchanged a few words and Eren smacked himself for not preparing Captain enough. Mikasa spared the detailed questions, but he knew dinnertime would be a different story.

“He looks old for a TA,” she commented to Eren while Captain was introduced to their dad.

“Don’t be rude,” Eren said, “He’s a prof-to-be, just wait.”

“Waiting.” Mikasa cracked a smile. “Seems like a cool person. MooMoo likes him.”

Their guardian dog possessed an uncanny quality of suspecting every stranger as an enemy of the family and rarely regarded them in friendly manners. To gain MooMoo’s instant approval was a blessing on its own. What was more noteworthy was his sister’s partial regard. Mikasa may be over-protective, but her consent meant a lot to Eren.

He went to break off MooMoo, who was latching onto Captain again. “Okay big boy, you can bother him later. C’mon Captain, I’ll show you the house.”

Mikasa pulled a questioning face. “Captain?”

“Levi! I meant Levi,” Eren corrected with an instant blush. He grabbed Captain’s hand and scampered upstairs, cursing away at his first, probably not only, blunder.

Once in his room, he shut the door behind him and looked at Captain straight in the eyes. “Okay, your name is Levi Ackerman. You’re a TA—that’s ‘teacher’s assistant’—for one of my courses. Basically you teach us shit. You live alone. Don’t know how to drive, and if my sister asks, you’re in your late 20’s okay? 20’s, not 30’s. 2, not 3.”

“I get it, brat. You want me to lie to your family. Did you just thinke that up on the spot?”

“Yes I did. And you make it sound like that’s a bad thing.”

“Is it not?”

“I don’t want to tell them we met through some My Little Pony magic okay?”

“You don’t have a pony.”

Eren muffled a groan into his palms.

“Stop shitting yourself, soldier. I’m not going to fuck up in front of your family.”

Captain walked over and picked up a small family portrait on his desk. He held it reverently, studying the people in the photo. “This is your family. Your mom.”

The brunet gave Captain a questioning look, unsure of what he just murmured. The man held a tinge of remorse in his eyes. The way he spoke had a tone of familiarity and something else that Eren didn’t recognize. _Something that Captain knew and he didn’t._ And Eren wanted to ask. Wanted to know.

“Captain? What about your Eren? ...His family?”

“My Eren...”

He didn’t receive an answer. Supposed he never would.

.-.

Karla had prepared all of Eren’s favourites, in addition to the traditional Thanksgiving turkey dinner. It wasn’t often that he returned home in the middle of a semester so she wanted to spoil the heck out of him.

He joked how she was trying to fatten him up.

“That’s the point, now eat up,” ordered Karla turned her attention to Captain. “So Levi, how’s my boy doing in class?”

The raven spared Eren a quick glance before replying, “Up to par, not falling behind.”

“That’s good to hear. Eren’s always mentioned how much he loves your discussions. ‘Very riveting’, he says. The boy practically idolizes you!”

“Mom please.” Eren slunk in his seat, embarrassed how Karla was exploiting his admiration for Levi. He really hoped Captain would think nothing of it.

Karla ignored her son and continued. “So what do you do in your tutorials? I’m a bit interested.”

“I teach shit.”

Eren spat out a chunk of carrot and looked over to Captain aghast. He expected him to be frank but not this shameles. Mikasa raised her eyebrows in half-interest while their dad looked over his newspaper to watch the scene unfold. Grisha was a quiet man who stood in the background; it was usually Karla who’d do the talking.

And right now, she’s a little speechless, sitting gawkily with her mouth in a shape of a little ‘o’.

“He covers additional contents not covered in class, usually we do debates and open-ended discussions,” Eren stepped in with a nervous laugh. “Levi has a...specific way of talking. Don’t mind him.”

Karla makes an attempt at a reassuring smile. “Well we don’t judge in this family. Be yourself, Levi. I want you to be comfortable when you’re under this roof.”

“Mom hates swearing though,” Mikasa quipped. Captain acknowledged her advice. There was a moment of awkward silence and Eren wondered why the hell Captain even wanted to meet his family in the first place.

“You have a nice piece of land,” Captain said in an attempt to remedy the situation. “Big enough for the horses.”

“Thank you darling. It’s a bit much to handle sometimes but still a large reward. Do you ride?”

“Almost every day.”

“Oh, your family owns a farm as well?”

Captain held a bitter smirk. “Not exactly.”

Karla might’ve sensed this might be a touchy subject and diverted to other topics. Most of dinnertime was filled with Karla’s inquiries and Captain’s few-worded answers. Eren stayed quiet most of the time unless needed to intervene and make up fibs about Captain’s alternate life. No, no girlfriend; yes, living on his own; almost done his Ph.D thesis; and no, he never went out the country because he hates flying.

To say Captain handled the situation well was an understatement. Eren was a little proud at how calm the man had been the whole time, carrying forth conversations with ease.

“I don’t drive. Don’t trust those sh—things.”

“Seems like you have a fear of transportation,” Grisha remarked. “No plane, cars, busses.”

“Just use your own two legs, we’ve got them for a reason. Horses are reliable too.”

Eren mentally groaned at Captain’s bluntness—there seemed to be no filters in his mind. Though his dad didn’t seem to mind, seeing how loud his laughter was.

When dinner was over, Eren offered to help his mother clean up.  Grisha pulled Captain away to another room, Mikasa following closely behind. Eren silently thanked his sister for giving him alone time with mom.

“I like this semester a lot better. The courses are more interesting than the last,” he said as they washed the dishes.

“As long as you’re enjoying them. And learning. Though I have a feeling there’s a biased reason behind your preferences.”

“Mom no.”

“Levi’s a nice fellow,” Karla continued in a casual tone and Eren figured out where this was going. The woman had a talent for sneaking in irrelevant topics into conversations so smoothly. He concentrated on the dish-drying and tried to keep a nonchalant face.

“Decent human being, yeah.”

“Eren, you know what I’m getting at.”

“We’re friends, mom. He didn’t have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with so I just invited him out of the blue. Not a big deal.”

“His butt is a big deal, I’ll tell you that.”

Eren spluttered and lightly slapped his mom’s arm. “Mom please, have some restraint.”

“I just want you to know that I’m happy that you’re happy and be _safe_ , alright?”

Eren almost dropped the plate he was drying and turned away groaning. It was a half-façade, he knew. The idea of him and Levi—hearing it tugged the little strings of his heart in weird ways. Him and Levi? Him and Captain?

After the dishes were done, the brunet quickly escaped into the living room. There, Captain was found strolling after their Roomba with hands behind his back, meticulously observing the automatic machine. Eren smiled, knowing Captain would take an instant liking to it.

“Cool huh?”

“Fucking enchanting.”

Eren took a seat on the floor next to MooMoo, giving a nice rub through his thick fur. “MooMoo hates it. The thing tried to clean his tail once and that nearly started a civil war. Right boy?”

The large dog woofed and lapped at Eren’s face. They heard his mother come in with an apology to Captain. The guest room had turned into MooMoo’s toy-room and they couldn’t prepare an extra bed in time.

“No worries mom, we can share my room.”

“Are you sure? Your room’s a little cramped, Eren.” Karla had a skeptical smile forming, but the boy wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying, given how MooMoo was stealing every bit of his at the moment.

“No biggie, we’re used to it.”

“Pardon?”

Eren looked up from MooMoo and stuttered with wide eyes, “I-I mean, it’s not that big of a deal. I don’t mind, you don’t mind right Levi?”

“I mind your snoring.”

The brunet buried his face into MooMoo’s fur.

.-.

Eren listened to the sound of paper rustling. Even on ‘vacation’, as he’d like to call it, Captain didn’t forget his paper cranes. Eren offered to help but he firmly refused, making it seem like a personal goal to fold all those cranes.

The room was dimly illuminated by the desk lamp, and the boy could see the overcasting shadows on the wall beside the bed. He traced Captain’s outlines with his fingers—it would help him fall asleep he supposed.

“What would your last words to your family be?”

Eren took a few seconds to register Captain’s sudden question, “Well that’s a nice bedtime topic.”

“What would you say to your parents?”

Rolling over, Eren readjusted his blankets and shrugged at Captain. The bed was offered to the raven but he didn’t take it, insisting Eren be more comfortable instead.

“I don’t know...’I love you’? ‘I’ll miss you? Thank you for all you’ve done?’ I don’t know, I never thought of that. That’s a pretty...morbid thought, Captain.”

The man looked up from his crane, the light reflecting off his gray eyes and Eren drew in a short breath. It was a different sensation, seeing another side of Captain that he hadn’t seen before. A certain softness in his eyes, like a crack of weakness he was allowed to see in this dead of the night.

“When we leave,” murmured Captain, “tell that to them.”

“Why?”

“Just do it, soldier.”

Eren was too tired to argue, or to think at all. He only managed to give a faint nod before dozing off. He trusted Captain and whatever obscure thoughts he had.

.-.

Nothing felt as refreshing as waking up with the morning sun.

That was a lie—and if one cherished his health and sanity, it’d be best to have a full eight hours of sleep. Unfortunately for Eren and Captain, this was not allowed. Not under MooMoo’s watch. Just after the crack of dawn, the dog pounced and attacked and didn’t stop until both men were walking about the house and getting ready for their nature-walk.

The conservatory was an hour drive away so Eren suggested Captain get some more shut-eye in the car. Difficult task really, with MooMoo circling on forever in the backseat.

“I didn’t know you could maneuver these atrocious things,” said Captain, giving Eren and his steering hands a wary look. The brunet was slightly offended—he considered himself a damn good driver amongst his friends. The proud side of him wanted to show off a little this morning, demonstrate his coordination and control over the car to Captain.

“No need to during school. And stop looking at me like that, I can handle this baby just fine.”

His request was in vain; but after a long assessment, Captain eventually decided his life was in decent hands and finally turned his heads away to enjoy the surrounding scenery.

It was easy to enter nature’s backyard when one lived outside the city—a ten minute drive anywhere and soon, earth’s colours would spring along the sidelines of the road. Uneven formation of the landscape made the drive a more adventurous one. Those moments of steep hills especially, brought excited barks out of MooMoo, and Eren responded with a light step on the gas when they zoomed down.

Gleeful laughter escaped the boy as he enjoyed the airy sensation that gravity allowed them to feel. There were rare times when just the right amount of force and speed were applied and his stomach flipped a 180 degrees from the G-force.

“Is this how it feels when you’re flying across the sky, Captain?” Eren asked after zooming down a particularly tall hill.

“This is nothing, don’t even compare.”

Eren gave a suggestive smile. “Maybe you should take me for a spin? It’s only fair.”

Captain didn’t answer, only propped his chin on his upright elbow and looked out the passenger window.

It was a bright and sunny day, no hovering clouds that dulled the radiant shades of autumn. This year, Mother Nature was exceptionally kind to them. After a rather wet summer, the abundance of rainwater reflected through the maple trees that flooded this land. Warm colours painted their surroundings—blazing red, crisp yellow, golden orange, and sometimes if one was lucky, a rare dash of juicy purple.

Eren now could understand Captain’s earlier concern for his safety—it was hard to concentrate on the wheel when a full-grown tree covered in red flashed by. He looked over to his side, noting Captain’s lack of sound and found him completely entranced. The slight gape of his mouth only added to the dreamy state his eyes held.

“Captain? You look like you’ve never seen the autumn leaves before,” teased Eren.

“Not this much,” the other murmured. “Never so many colours before. I have never seen so.. _many_.”

The tiny curl at the corner of his lips did weird turns to Eren’s chest. It was wonder after wonder, something magical every day for Captain and the overwhelming marvel was lighting up his once dull eyes. The colours of life started to reflect off him—red, orange, yellow... _blue_. That faint smile brought his eyes out even more. Captain was...

“Stunning,” the raven remarked, “This is stunning.”

He couldn’t agree more though Eren found himself asking, “there aren’t that many trees in your world?”

“Here and there. Fuck tons of houses in the walls and bigass pinecone trees outside. I don’t pay attention to what colours are sprouting every season.”

A bark cut their conversation short. Eren rolled his eyes and hushed MooMoo, turning the car into the conservation entrance. He rolled the car to a stop in the parking area. His great white dog was released after much scratching and whining and he bounced around the parking lot in full energy. Eren grabbed a leash and spare plastic bags and off they went.

MooMoo led the walk. He knew just where to go, where to sniff, where to mark his scent, and at whom to bark at. Eren called him out for bothering the birds but the beast ignored the master.

“Care to explain why ‘MooMoo’ ruled out all the other ridiculous names?” Captain asked

Eren sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck while answering, “it was my idea. But I had a good reason!”

“I’m sure you did, like always.”

“We got him when he was still an untrained puppy. So he liked to run around the farm and it was hard for us to catch him. One night we thought we lost the dope but then we heard our cows moo, and there he was, howling along.” Eren chuckled at the memory. “He wanted to be one of them. And afterwards in the mornings and evenings, MooMoo would go into the field and howl with the cows.”

Captain gave MooMoo a wary look. “Cute little beast.”

Eren called the Pyrenees back and bent down to rub the dog’s ears. “My little beast.” He noticed the spot from where MooMoo had just came from and scrunched his nose.  His little beast took a beastly poop and it was Eren’s duty to clean it up. “Now it’s my turn, Captain.”

“To what, take a dump?”

“No stupid, to ask you a question.”

“This isn’t some interrogation.”

“You’re an idiot. I just want to know more about you.”

“I’m Humanity’s Strongest, an apathetic soldier who kills flesh-eating titans. That’s all there is.”

Eren stood and turned to look at Captain seriously. “ _You_ , Captain. Not the legendary hero from the book. What do you like? Hate? Hobbies, interests? Pet-peeves? What’s your _name_? Is it just Captain like how the narrator in the book calls you? In fact, who the hell is the narrator?”

“How the hell would I know? I see no names in there. Just a bunch of ‘Captain’s, and ‘he’s and ‘she’s and ‘they’s and ‘we’s.” Captain paused. “Where did you get the name ‘Levi’?”

“Hmm? Oh, my TA. His name is Levi Ackerman.”

Captain looked like he wanted to ask something but held himself back. When Eren knew he was getting nothing, he moved onto his next question.

“So, um, the sudden passion in paper-cranes? Is it really that fun?”

“So damn nosy.” Captain took a glance at Eren’s pout. “Everything has a purpose, soldier.”

“Can...I help?”

“No.”

“Touchy.”

Faraway rustling from deep within the forest reached their ears as the cool autumn breeze glided over. A sparse wave of leaves blew from their branches and twirled around them. MooMoo barked excitedly and jumped in an attempt to catch one with his mouth. Captain on the other hand, took a silent sweep of his surroundings. The forest stretched for miles around, an extensive spread of land no doubt. For a second, there was bitterness his gaze.

“Captain?”

His head snapped towards Eren, who jumped at his sharp look. The brunet didn’t dare avert his eyes, not even a flinch of muscle. Captain’s stare turned tense and pained. A storm was brewing inside his dark eyes before it disappeared and Eren saw a guarded wall again. Captain broke off and continued his walk down the trail.

What was that?

It was like a different person for a second, Captain as cold Humanity’s Strongest, not the man who had warmed up in this world.

It was like he was living through a memory, a sudden recollection.

Something Captain knew, that Eren didn’t.

And it had been bothering him for too long.

“Captain,” Eren started, two steps behind the man. “What’s your Eren like?”

The tiniest falter in his steps, but the soldier kept on walking.

“He as nosy as me? Any good at exterminating titans?”

When he gained no response, discomfort settled in Eren. It was unfair. That Captain knew everything about him yet kept silent about himself—the people in his life, those close to him, dear to his heart, this Eren of probably great importance. A pang shot through Eren’s chest. He didn’t like seeing Captain’s back for so long. A bitter smile struggled to keep its courage.

“Smart as me? Handsome, like me—?”

“He’s like you. Just like you.”

Eren thought Captain would turn around when he stopped, at least turn his head and look his way. Instead, he was still faced with a back who refused to move for him.

“He’s just like me,” the boy repeated weakly, “or I’m just like him?”

It seemed the two of them were just standing in the middle of the forest trail forever. Just a few feet apart, yet the distance was greater, Eren knew. He had much to walk before fully stepping in someone else’s shoe.

“You said he was kidnapped, and you were searching for him. What happened?”

“The bad guys got him. What else? Climax of the story.”

“Did you read the entire story?”

“No.”

“Why don’t you? Any information could help you win.”

“Win what.”

“The war.”

“Winning doesn’t mean not losing.”

Eren pulled back, not fully understanding Captain’s cryptic words. “Of course it does.”

“Eren I don’t want to know shit that I shouldn’t. I don’t need to fuck things up.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Eren shouted.

Why was he feeling so angry?

“Don’t you want to rid all the titans from your world?! Why not use whatever secrets obviously recorded in the book and just do that?”

“That may as well change everything.”

“You’re not making sense! You’re talking as if the story’s dynamic or something!”

Captain suddenly whirled around and stalked up to Eren until they stood chest-to-chest. “Listen soldier, it is _ever-changing_. One little greedy blunder can make _everything_ disappear. Your _world_ can disappear.”

Eren furrowed his eyebrows, now completely lost as to where his universe came to play all of a sudden. Captain’s raging eyes cooled down to guarded ones again, lips forming a thin line.

“I make choices that I know I won’t regret.”

.-.

For once in his life, Eren had competition in the family.

The college student watched with a helpless smile as his mother hogged Captain for the longest time. MooMoo was circling around them, letting out little whines and rubbing at Captain’s legs, despite his discomfort. It was finally time for the two of them to go back but two members of the Jaeger family were a little reluctant to separate.

“You’re always welcome here, hear that Levi? Visit us whenever you want.”

Eren raised his eyebrows. It was like they were completely smitten with the man and it was only their first meeting. Captain nodded nevertheless, then turned to Eren with a look of expectation. The brunet blinked, was he supposed to do something? Captain motioned towards his parents and then he remembered. The stupid promise he made half-asleep.

Eren stepped up, noticing Captain moving back to give them a little space. “Uhh, mom and dad, thanks for having us this weekend. It was really nice to be home again.”

“Nonsense Eren, no need to thank us. You are always at home in our hearts.”

Embarrassment grew red-tomatoes on Eren’s cheeks as he averted his gaze and continued his ill-prepared words. “I umm...I guess I just want to say I love you. So much. You’ve given me everything, and I know I won’t ever be able to fully repay you. And I’ll miss you during school and—and...I love you.”

Karla had a palm over her heart, her doe-eyes moist with emotions. With a small sound, she pulled Eren into a tight embrace and kissed the top of his head. “You big baby, I love you so so _so_ much it hurts. We miss you _every single day_. And what’s this talk about paying us back? Just be happy every day and mama and papa are happy got it?”

Eren nodded and broke away flushing. He quickly said goodbye to MooMoo and kissed his sister farewell.

“Be good,” she warned, her eyes darting to Captain then back again.

If Captain saw, he didn’t acknowledge. Instead, he walked up to Karla and Grisha and tilted his head down in respect.

“Thank you for the stay. It was wonderful.” He then looked dead straight into their eyes, determined. “Eren is a great man, and I am lucky to have him on my team. I hope you’ll put your trust in me to take care of him.”

Eren’s parents stood speechless, only nodded like confused fish out of water. Apparently satisfied, Captain moved to Mikasa, gave her a short pat on the head, and headed towards the bus waiting for them on the main street. Eren gave his family his own confused expression and a shrug before bidding farewell. Once on the bus, his questioning stare was kept on Captain before the latter finally gave up.

“What.”

“You are so damn weird.”

Captain ignored him and kept his eyes on the Jaeger farm as the bus drove away. Eren pouted and crossed his arms.

“And I held my dumb promise, said all those embarrassing cheesy stuff to my parents. Happy now?”

“Thank you.”

“Sadist, getting off on people’s humiliation.”

“It’s not for me.”

.-.

_Then who was it for?_

Eren had wanted to ask, but bit his tongue not to. No more nosy questions for Captain, not after that outburst in the forest. He kept silent on the subject for the rest of the weekend, knowing it’d only anger Captain if he brought it up. Clearly, it was a sensitive area.

Clearly, there was something Captain knew that Eren didn’t.

_may as well change everything_

He spoke as if knowing the ending of the story could change the ending itself.

_your world can disappear_

As if a change in the past...would make a change in the future.

But it wasn’t possible. What kind of magical, science-fiction, My Little Pony sparkle-crap was that.

...one that had characters popping out of books.

Eren hadn’t thought about it. He should think about it. Didn’t think do so since...the beginning, which turned into a headache now that he was beginning to think about it. And nothing was coming to fruition from his mindless, directionless thinking-about-it.

And for some bizarre reason, he thought thinking about it with Levi would help.

“Sir?”

The raven looked up from his desk. Their tutorial session just ended and to be honest, it was the first time that Eren stayed after class to talk with the TA since the library incident.

“Jaeger. Want to talk about your book report?”

No, he did not. “Myths are...fiction. They’re unreal.”

Levi leaned back into his chair, not seeing Eren’s point. “No shit.”

Right. That should be all the confirmation Eren needed. Except Levi had more to say apparently.

“But who knows, we were never there to witness the creation of its truth or fabrication. I sure as well wasn’t. Were you there?”

He witnessed Captain’s manifestation up close.

“Do you think...do you think there’s a parallel universe?”

“Are you talking quantum physics to me now?”

“You think it’s possible for a character to come alive?”

Levi gave him a long, hard stare, full of judgement. “What’d you do over Thanksgiving? Better wash out whatever’s in your system Jaeger, I don’t tolerate illegal shit.

Eren shook his head with a heated flush. Of course it was stupid. Even though he taught mythology, Levi Ackerman was a realist at heart. What was he doing making a fool of himself asking dumb questions? Stuttering out a farewell, he quickly made a move to remove himself from the premises.

“Eren.”

The boy stopped and turned, looking to Levi’s lax form with his hands behind his head and feet propped on the table. A smirk spread across his face.

“Open up your mind. Let your imagination run wild.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the entire story started from the autumn-leaves scene, tbh. i thought how absolutely amazed levi would be if he were to see the autumn scenery. tbh i’ve never taken a mythology course before (want to fix that) so if im spouting bullshit in the last bit, please pardon me.
> 
> eren hasn’t gotten to the end of the book yet, just fyi. wonder why levi chose not to read the rest of the book. but remember, everything captain does has a reason ;D
> 
> and my (wonderful) beta pointed out something that i may not have stated clearly. the fairy-tale book never mentioned anyone’s names—only referred certain people by their titles (Captain, Female Titan, Commander, Scouting Legion). The entries at the beginning of each chapter never mentioned specific names. but yes, plot-holes everywhere (,_,) it’s a learning experience...
> 
> comments and kudos much appreciated (let me know how i'm doing?) and chat me up on tumblr if you wish: [no-other-words](http://no-other-words.tumblr.com)


	6. Too Many Deaths, Yours was the Hardest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean opened his eyes wide and palmed his forehead. “Jesus, don’t play angel with me now, you sneaky raccoon. Are what they’re saying true?!”
> 
> Dread washed over Eren as he processed Jean’s words. All of a sudden, Jean’s strange stares and his unusual concern for Eren’s well-being became of urgent interest.
> 
> “...what did you hear?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter. so sorry (,_,) many thanks to my wonderful beta, [OokamiNoShippitsu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OokamiNoShippitsu/pseuds/OokamiNoShippitsu)!

_It was my fault. No, his. Hers. Commander’s. The team’s. But no point in pointing fingers—the damage was done. You were gone and every passing day felt like double the distance between you and us. It was catching the wind. Every time you were in grasp, we swiped through the air and found nothing again._

_Where were you? Were you okay? Who were you with?_

_Questions left unsaid for fear of speculated answers. Courage and hope, you held them for us. And now they were fading in our sight._

_Captain couldn’t pretend anymore. Time was both an ally and enemy. Puzzle pieces were beginning to fall in place, the truth was in reach._

_Eren, you are not a monster._

.-.

The sharp sound of his book slamming resonated the walls. Eren stared blankly at book cover—a simple design with seemingly nothing to tell nor hide but that thin silver insignia. So innocent it appeared, no sign of the dark and gritty content written in the pages of this...memoire? Story? Biography? Fairy-tale?

Eren didn’t know anymore.

Not with Captain here, not with crazy speculations running in his mind that normally wouldn’t even exist if it were not for recent events. Captain’s cryptic messages and even more so actions.

_Eren, you are not a monster._

The narrator’s words sent a chill down his spine. Captain’s Eren was no doubt human, even if he possessed special powers that allowed him to transform. But what truths were they speaking of? What ominous cloud were the soldiers all under? Why couldn’t they find Eren?

And maybe that was why the young man stopped his readings. He didn’t know what was next and he didn’t want to find out. Secrets were spilling everywhere, familial connections were uncovered, innocent lives sacrificed a the cost of military and political scandal. And it seemed Captain’s Eren and his family were at the centre of it all.

Yellow-green eyes slid over to peek at Captain, the quiet man currently huddled on the bed folding his paper-cranes. A thin line formed from Eren’s lips—what if Captain’s Eren couldn’t be found?

He gripped the book tight. He had to finish the story—for the sake of his goddamned mythology grade. Yet, where current events were going, a storm inside loomed over Eren as he couldn’t help but to think this was not going to end well.

“What’s gotten you so sour?” Captain asked, bringing Eren out of his daze.

He painted on a smile. The soldier didn’t need any more troubles—he had enough head-scratching, mind-boggling issues to worry over than Eren’s silly theories. This was a man who didn’t believe in fate and destiny or anything astronomical as such; he trusted in himself and his comrades and the decisions they individually made.

“Will Eren be alright?” Eren softly asked after a moment.

Captain’s eyes flickered to the book and under the dim light, the boy could see that slight second of apprehension. It was gone before his mind could confirm. The soldier held no different expression—composed as ever.

“I’m not the one with the book, Eren.”

“What does your intuition tell you? What does your _heart_ say?”

He was given a disgusted look. “If you want to talk about feelings, I suggest you go to Petra.”

It was worth a try. Still, Eren felt an odd sense of comfort in Captain’s presence and he decided to move over by his side. Let himself fall in the serene repetition of fold—fold—fold as Captain demonstrated his mastery of origami.

Eren never noticed just how rough his hands were—as expected from a soldier who handled the 3DMG around the clock—but it amazed him how fluently delicate Captain was with folding, his fingers almost like moving in a trance. Slice, fold, open, arrange, fold, align, pull, and voila, the wings of the paper-bird spread elegantly on each side. Everything Captain did, he performed with diligence.

Just like Levi. Exactly like Levi.

Unaware to Eren, his dream-like eyes slid up to focus on the soldier. Ran up the contours of his face, noted the slight crookedness of his nose, admired the concentration in Captain’s glare, and wondered his big exposed forehead ever bothered the soldier. It certainly didn’t bother Eren. He grazed over the sharp lines of his jaw, mused over his slight dissatisfaction of a frown and when a sound of paper ripping reached his ears, Eren caught an unjust sight of Captain scrunching his nose with a displeased frown.

“What?”

Eren blinked, his dazed confusion brought on by Captain’s annoyed stare. He hadn’t realised a giggle escaped him.

“Nothing! I just...umm, you’re really pale, Captain.”

“That’s what happens when you have titans running after your sweet ass?”

Eren slowly nodded. “Oh, hahah...heh.”

Captain went back to his cranes, starting a new one after ripping the previous. They become quiet for a moment before Captain broke the silence, perhaps to make up for his humourless joke.

“The kid will pull through,” he said. “Always does, with that thick skull of his. So far he’s got as much luck in survival as his desire for vengeance running through his veins.”

“Luck doesn’t have anything to do with it though.”

“No it doesn’t. It’s about making the right choices that won’t turn you into titan food and the kid’s got it figured out. After all the fucked up situations he’d been through, he still managed to be where he is right now.” Captain’s nose crinkled again. “Another shitty situation but, I’ll find him.”

It didn’t come out blatantly but Eren recognized Captain’s pride for the boy and this was sure the closest thing to a compliment Captain would ever give. A pang shot through Eren’s chest that felt awfully similar to envy. This bitter, sour acid rain washed over him, which shouldn’t even happen in the first place. Eren Jaeger was jealous of some fictional character over another fictional character. He had no right to—he had his own...Levi to...idolize after.

The loud thump against his chest terrified Eren. He hoped the man beside him didn’t notice.

He forced a smile and managed out an, “I hope you do.”

Captain gave him an eyeful before lightly slapping the back of Eren’s neck and patting his head. “But you know what, soldier? We’re all going to die anyway, become titan excrete in the end—it’s what happens after that matters.” Gray eyes scanned along the side of Eren, his fingers lightly combing and tucking away stray strands of brown behind Eren’s ear. “And I know it’s going to be a better world.”

It was then when Eren believed he witnessed one of Captain’s very rare expressions of tender serenity.

There went another heavy thump in the heart.

.-.

Jean had been giving him weird glances this entire lecture. Eren tried to ignore it—the dumbass was probably scheming of something delirious again. Telling him to go ahead and not wait for him after class ended apparently crossed the line, for Jean threw him a pair of wide eyes the size of a horse’ upon seeing mice and acquitted the premises with a stumble.

“What is it, Jaeger?”

He hesitated, unsure of how to word his unease. “I’m having troubles continuing the story.”

Levi gives him an ‘oh really?’ look. “Not that difficult, Jaeger. Open book, read words, understand, flip page, repeat.”

“No just, have you ever been so invested in a story, so emotionally attached to a character that—”

“—it would break your heart if anything happens to your beloved character?” Eren nodded most enthusiastically, to which Levi broke into soft chuckles. Shaking his head, Levi stood and reached across his desk. Flicked Eren’s head in a playful manner. “You’re in literature, Eren, you should already know how that feels. Rule number one in mythology: someone dies; don’t get attached.”

A thump-thump—a _double_ thump beat against his chest. His nerves tingled right when Levi tapped him and Eren wasn’t even aware of how big of a breath he was holding until after Levi dropped his gaze on him and he blew out that puff of choked air.

It was like some ancient cosmic force had suddenly entered his mind and declared that the constant observation of Levi Ackerman was a stimulating activity. Head lowered, his hair fell curtained in front of his visage, the same kind of flow as Captain’s, but still parted in the middle. Eren’s mouth ran dry and he unconsciously licked his lips. Curiousity took over his mind.

“Levi, exposing your big forehead like that, does it ever bother you?”

It was like Eren’s eyes were made to detect that all-too familiar scrunch of a nose. A vexed frown, furrowed eyebrows, and a killer glare. Once a Levi, always a Lev; Eren was used to this. He’d known the TA for more than a year now, yet something stirred inside of him—such similarity to Captain. And despite his death-threatening scowl, Eren found himself in adoration of Levi’s facial warnings.

_Thump-thump-thump_

.-.

Eren found Jean outside the lecture hall, leaning against the wall with arms crossed. He still had that annoying stare going on and Eren was going to ask what the fuck was up when his friend beat him to it.

“Well?”

The brunet blinked. “..Well what?”

“Aren’t you going to do anything about it?”

“..What the fuck are you on about?”

Jean opened his eyes wide and palmed his forehead. “Jesus, don’t play angel with me now, you sneaky raccoon. Are what they’re saying true?!”

Dread washed over Eren as he processed Jean’s words. All of a sudden, Jean’s strange stares and his unusual concern for Eren’s well-being became of urgent interest.

“...what did you hear?”

“Apparently Ackerman has a twin bro and hey, you dating Ackerman or something?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no excuse for the delay; just tons of apologies. short and plotless chapter (i dislike transitioning chaps /) but i hope you guys are aware of what’s happening with eren...?. in the last three weeks, i’ve finished five chapters for 10kP and they’re now going through my lovely beta to be polished. we’re halfway there and i suddenly had huge inspirations to start up daisy again, so hopefully i can write at least one chapter for that before exams ends...
> 
> as always, thanks for all the kudos and comments. you guys have been wonderful!


	7. He Misses You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _But really, it was just a silly rumour. A most comical one because think of the sort of pair they’d make—two very different people. Knowing Levi’s light and cynical sense of humour, Eren tried to play it off._
> 
> _He forced a lighthearted chuckle through a sheer strength of will. “Ridiculous isn’t it? People these days have nothing to do with their lives.”_
> 
> _Levi shrugged, carrying a calm expression. “Not like rumours can’t be true. It’d be...entertaining to see what it’s like.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to my lovely beta, [OokamiNoShippitsu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OokamiNoShippitsu/pseuds/OokamiNoShippitsu)!

_You have no idea how good it feels to find you, to be reunited with you again. I was strong, I did my best, I charged forth. In the span of these past months, we’ve all changed so much. You the most, but you’re still the same Eren. We’re going to fight together again. We’re going to win this war._

.-.

When Eren needed peace and concentration, there was only one place his mind could tolerate. The secret corner on the school library’s tenth floor provided a haven for the twenty-one year old. Surrounded by old history books, lit in natural sunlight from floor-to-ceiling windows, and sufficiently hidden from most wandering students looking for their own study space.

It was a well-established and strategic area that Eren prided himself in discovering. Away from noises, people, the outside world. Ideal to get some work done, be productive for once, and maybe finish his damn book report to get this all over with.

Thing was, his pen was hovering over the seventeenth line on his notebook for the last ten minutes or so, him re-reading what he’d just wrote several times but never processing any of it. It wasn’t writer’s block—he knew what he needed to get across. Words were not coming to him. He was sitting at a blank and he knew exactly why. Eren was simply distracted.

Awfully distracted. So much so that even in the safety of his study spot, he felt exposed, lost, and not at all at ease.

Eren had been planning to go straight home after class, but then Jean had to come and stick the most ridiculous ideas in his head. Rumours, really? They were not in high school anymore; weren’t they over hushed whispers and broken telephone? Hell, more than half the class wouldn’t usually know his name and now there was a heavy interest in him.

Levi and him dating?

It brought a scoff from Eren every time he thought of it. They were strictly acquaintances, friends at best. When did casual conversations and bumping into each other outside of class become ‘getting all chummy and friendly’, as Jean had put it. Levi was his mentor, his idol, a respectable young man whose achievements and sardonic mindset had Eren marvelling. Where in the world did romantic feelings come in to play?

Eren merely liked how Levi tested his students with stimulating discussions and didn’t give two pennies about his unconventional way of speaking. He enjoyed how Levi picked on him in class, never failing to add a few jabs. Eren especially liked the spontaneous chats they had outside class, that barrier of a student-TA relationship no more.

How Levi seemed to let loose more—smiled and chuckled more. Had more things to say to Eren as if Levi thought it’d be worthwhile to keep conversation with Eren. His raised eyebrows and teasing pair of storming gray eyes whenever Eren stuttered a blushing mistake. It was nerve-wracking talking with the man, yet comfortable at the same time.

Levi and him. Incredible.

He’d be more worried about the more grave speculation of the two—students seeming to think Levi had a possible twin brother. He knew it was too risky to bring Captain on campus; more students than he’d thought knew of Levi and their distinct features were too hard to ignore. He’d already both rumours to Jean, but he knew that wouldn’t stop the students from whispering.

Eren pushed his notebook aside and rested his head on his hands, looking outside the window in a daze. The good weather outside reminded him of the day when Captain and he took MooMoo for a walk in the local park back home. Then came the memory of the night before, when Captain was folding his paper-cranes under the dim florescent light that gave him a warm glow. He held the same soft disposition as Levi did in the rare times Eren had caught.

A flash of two faces with the same exact features crossed his mind and his heart did a weird flip. The feeling rolled down until his stomach was doing salad tosses and he couldn’t ignore the trembles in his deep breathes. Burying his face into the hollow of his crossed arms, he let sleep slowly take over. He was tired, mentally-exhausted. Self-reflection was a tough trudge up the hill.

Realising his feelings for someone was an entire day’s climb up the mountain.

.-.

By the time Eren arrived at the closest coffee shop, it was already too late for any excuses. Petra had planned a baking session this evening that Eren had promised to attend; only he’d slept through the entire afternoon after that internal train-wreck of introspection. Nothing that a cup of green-tea latte couldn’t fix—Petra wouldn’t resist her favourite drink.

Eren dug into his pocket to get his card only to realise he might’ve left them at home. Panic washed over as he ploughed through his backpack for extra change, ignoring the cashier’s scrutinizing stare. Of all days, he had to be a total disoriented klutz.

“Here.”

Eren turned to see Levi reaching over from behind him and offering his card. His heart did an exploding jump and he leaned back on instinct. Levi was suddenly way too close for comfort. Muttering a thanks, he stood on the side awaiting his cookies. Never mind his humiliating blunder, Eren couldn’t bring himself to properly look at Levi without having his stomach go on a rollercoaster ride.

“Rough day?” asked Levi, waiting on the side for his order. He looked as dashing as ever, a bit of that dark-and-mysterious thing going on with his tall pepper-grey trench coat. The dim lighting in the shop had the same warm and soft effect on his complexion as it did for Captain—attractive, _handsome_.

Eren wished he could slap himself out of his daze. He’d just talked to the guy earlier today damn it; how was Levi any different now? It was like Eren’s mind added an illusionary glow around Levi and that was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous.

He cleared his throat before speaking. “Yeah, the report wasn’t going so well. And...other stuff.”

“Other stuff,” Levi repeated, a thoughtful tone trailing behind.

It made Eren nervous, jumping to conclusions that maybe there was a crazy chance of Levi hearing certain ludicrous rumours. But this wasn’t high school, Eren reminded himself; words wouldn’t travel so fast and far...would they?

“Every day student troubles, you know,” Eren attempted, “Stress is adding up and all. Thanks for covering me, I’ll pay you back, I promise.”

Levi waved him off and crossed his arms, looking at the barista expressionless. Eren thought he was safe, nerves calming down a little before it spiked up again when Levi mentioned the very thing he’d feared.

“I heard some words that have been spouting out of many of the fish-lipped imbeciles I see every day.” Levi gave him a sideward glance and Eren tried not to look fazed. “I don’t recall walking to the library with you, Jaeger. Ever. And last time I checked, I don’t have a twin brother, or so help me get rid of him.”

The brunet gulped, refusing to meet eyes with Levi. He wished the drink would come a little sooner.

“And I certainly don’t recall us secretly dating, whatever the hell that means.”

Eren’s eyes flew to him, which was a big mistake because now he couldn’t escape Levi’s stormy gaze—had him locked in a cage, refusing to release him until he provided some kind of explanation. Eren kept silent or rather, his voice was stuck below the huge lump formed in his throat. Levi must now have the worst impression of him.

But really, it was just a silly rumour. A most comical one because think of the sort of pair they’d make—two very different people. Knowing Levi’s light and cynical sense of humour, Eren tried to play it off.

He forced a lighthearted chuckle through a sheer strength of will. “Ridiculous isn’t it? People these days have nothing to do with their lives.”

Levi shrugged, carrying a calm expression. “Not like rumours can’t be true. It’d be...entertaining to see what it’s like.”

Eren’s head whipped forward, eyes on the barista who came with his cookies. Gripping hard on the bag of treats, he attempted to come up with some response but all he could hear were Levi’s suggestive words. He didn’t mean...possible imply that...

Multiple pangs shot through his chest—excited mini-fireworks rupturing in delight with flaring sparks cooling down abruptly in fear. Unconditional, unprepared, shockwaves of fear.

“Rumours are rumours. Just ignore them.” His words came out with a lackluster laugh to finish. Didn’t even spare Levi a glance before he was out the door in hurried steps. Rude as fuck—what kind of harsh response was that? Eren knew better than that. With conscience returning, he dared to take a look and was relieved to see Levi’s back.

Guilt ate him away as he watched the man put a hand on his forehead before running it through his hair and clutching a handful of black tresses, as if almost in frustration.

.-.

Petra forgave him and hummed over the latte Eren brought home. Didn’t need the clown anyway, she claimed, for Captain was a much better kitchen-helper than he ever was.

Her pardon did nothing to quell the flaming ball of shame burning at the pits of his stomach. The scene from earlier kept replaying in his mind no matter how much he tried to forget it. Eren could only imagine the expression on Levi’s face—annoyance? Anger?

Of course he could be getting ahead of himself. Placing himself in some fantasy world where his TA—long-time idolized figure and very-recent crush—had suggested them to become something more than friends. Right. He was way above his head. Levi could very well be teasing him, making sarcastic jokes like he always did with Eren. Levi probably thought this was no more than a childish rumour that people liked to entertain themselves with.

Eren’s eyes travelled the window sill, examining each and every paper-crane crowding the ledge. Captain had started to invade his room with little colourful birds. Brightened his room at least and Eren liked the constant reminder of another presence here. Always here.

If Captain left, would he take the cranes with him? Were they for him? For his Eren?

And a thought crossed him—what sort of bond did they have? Was it the same as Levi and him: senior and junior? Friends? Something more?

His mouth ran forward without him. “Captain, what’s your...relationship with Eren?”

The soldier was peacefully investigating the leather-bound book, his gaze lingering longer on it than Eren had hoped.

“Comrades. Captain and trooper. Mentor and disciple. His goddamned mother because the sloppy kid can’t stay clean sometimes.”  Captain paused his origami and tipped his head back, staring at the wall. “Better than most of the brats—knows when to respect authority and work hard.”

“ _Just_ mentor and pupil?” Eren hated how feeble he sounded. Hated how much hope was in his voice.

“Just.”

Twiddling his thumb and playing with his fingers was quite fun and gave Eren something to look at. “No love interests huh?”

“No.”

They entered an awkward silence; at least it was for Eren. He wondered if he was being too nosy, stepping on foreign and forbidden territory. Had he the right to? He glanced over, relieved to find Captain back to his origami, indifferent to Eren’s curiousity.

“Frivolous sentimentalities don’t exist in my world. Survival and humankind’s victory are the only concern, no time for meaningless affairs.”

Eren forced a doleful smile. “Meaningless huh...” He got an eyeful from Captain and a few moments later, a heavy sigh echoed the room.

“We don’t have that kind of luxury, Eren. Saving the world means putting your everything in. No distractions, full sacrifice.” Captain grazes a paper-crane’s wing. “Allies, yes. Friends, sometimes. Love, never. I don’t suppose I know what the fuck that is.”

He didn’t voice it, but Eren contemplated on the possibility of what ifs. What if their circumstances were different? What if there were no titans threatening mankind, what if they weren’t forced into a soldier’s life, what if Captain and his Eren met in a more peaceful setting? Would they still be _restricted_ in their relationship—locked in a chain bounded by duty and promise?

Captain was wrong on one aspect.

“I think,” started Eren, a bashful smile warming up. “I think you’re capable of giving lots of love, Captain.”

The soldier looked over with a half-incredulous half-amused face. He merely snorted.

.-.

He didn’t know when it had started. But somewhere deep in his mind, this natural association with Captain to Levi began to form. Along with it was Captain’s Eren and himself—he couldn’t help but to relate. This impulsive thought that—

That if Captain and his Eren were just mentor and pupil, then Levi and him were only meant to be just upper and underclassmen.

What did he expect when he asked Captain that question? Eren didn’t deny the spark of hope that Captain would’ve given a more favourable response.

A dull burn of disappointment kept him company that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is eren wishy-washy? he’s still confused. i hope you guys can see different perspectives captain and levi has in terms of relationships and ‘love’, and how that’ll affect eren’s thinking(?)
> 
> thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos! really puts a smile on my face and a whole lot of encouragement and motivation - you guys are awesome!


	8. But he won't admit it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry,” blurted Eren, his fists clenching and unclenching the sheets under him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know what I was..I wasn’t thinking—”
> 
> “No, you weren’t.”
> 
> Eren flinched under Captain’s cold voice. He hadn’t heard this sort of detachment for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick reminder that this story is written and set before levi’s squad found and saved eren from the crystal cave. thank you to my lovely beta, [OokamiNoShippitsu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OokamiNoShippitsu/pseuds/OokamiNoShippitsu). and as always, thank you so much for all the kudos and comments, you guys are so kind and encouraging!!

_I find ironic, how quickly kindness can twist into something so sinister, so senile, so...inhuman. How easy it seems for humanity to turn their backs from the truths and their saviours in favour of the comfort and luxury of their current lives. They hide and, dare I say cower, in the safety of their walls and extinguish any flame of curiousity for fear of the unknown. They prefer lies and rules, instructions and dictations on how to live and wait for their end._

_This is where they are happy, they claim, but I see no true joy in imprisonment._

_Can you give me the strength to believe otherwise?_

.-.

The first time, he did it out of panic. Eren was already at the door before he chickened out and turned his body around, cursing his impulsive state of mind. Guilt and regret hit instantly afterwards, Eren didn’t even dare returning home and seeing the person whose face was identical to the one he’d avoided. Skipping Levi’s tutorial was a terrifying experience. Next time, he’d apologize.

‘Next time’ never came. Two weeks went by and Eren kept on avoiding his once idol. Call him a coward, and Eren wouldn’t refute. He would argue that he was just not...prepared. Armed, properly guarded against Levi’s obvious attacks. Probably would give him a mouthful on why the hell he was skipping _his_ tutorials and maybe question his actions at the café. Eren wouldn’t know how to explain.

Eren Jaeger was not an experienced one in areas such as romance.

More like a lost puppy, his mind circled round and around, asking the same questions and digging himself a downward spiral of a never-ending loophole. He began to sift through his memories, taking note of all the small features Levi possessed. His little quirks that Eren overlooked before but now raised blinking red flags. These things were what made Levi...Levi.

And like an entranced maiden who’d finally found her Prince Charming, the world in Eren’s eyes became a little bit more colourful, a teeny bit more beautiful. The birds chirping in the morning weren’t so much as annoying anymore as they were melodious to Eren’s ears. Sweet aroma overruled his senses when he strolled outside and Eren swore he could hear some joyous jazz music playing in the background.

More so than ever, he caught himself watching Captain’s face during their times alone. It was haunting how they resembled each so much. Sometimes when Captain gave him his attention, his heart would skip a beat. The similarities were uncanny. It quickly became a habit of his—Eren hugging his pillow on the bed while Captain ignored him completely in favour of his cranes. That is, until the man couldn’t disregard it any longer.

“You sick or something? Need to live by the toilet these days?”

Eren pulled an innocent expression. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You have this dead look as if you’re drowning in some rat-infested pond or something,” Captain muttered, leaning in and placing a hand over Eren’s forehead.

Eren held in the squeak rising from his throat but nothing could stop the sudden spike in heat as Captain came close. He was oblivious to their proximity, more concerned for the glowing flush on Eren’s cheeks.

“Sure you didn’t get the nasties? Tell me so I can stay away from you for the next few days.”

Captain’s words were a blur to Eren, mushed up sounds entering his ears. All he could see were thin eyelashes hovering over stone-gray eyes, swimming with slight annoyance and more than enough concern.  Eren noted just how close Captain’s slender sharp nose was to almost touching his own and if he could lean in just one bit...

Here was a man who’d been living with Eren, sleeping in the same quarters as Eren for the past weeks. The man who Eren came to respect greatly and whose presence Eren enjoyed immensely. A man whose sense of duty, morals, and integrity reminded him so much of another, the man who was Levi and not Levi.

It was so easy to forget at the moment, so easy for Eren to press himself forward. Closed his eyes and leaned in and...

_So this was what it felt like to kiss him._

The universe became still. Eren hadn’t expected the rush of warmth and tingling nerves running from his head to the tip of his toes. A kiss was just a kiss—contact of two lips. But this was a galactic ride amongst the stars, like exploding fireworks lighting up the dark. And when the overwhelming sensory reached his skin, they retracted and quickly swam back to the centre of his chest, gathering in a pool of heat and excitement.

Only when he realised the unusual silence in the room did Eren wake from his senses and yank himself back. Captain’s lack of emotion created a void inside Eren and he bit his lips in regret. He hadn’t been thinking straight. He hadn’t been thinking at all. Possessed by daydreams and foreign emotions, Eren forgot where he was and who he was with. This was Captain, not Levi. Levi, not Captain.

“I’m sorry,” blurted Eren, his fists clenching and unclenching the sheets under him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know what I was..I wasn’t thinking—”

“No, you weren’t.”

Eren flinched under Captain’s cold voice. He hadn’t heard this sort of detachment for a long time.

Captain sprang up, the bottom of his pants were where Eren kept his gaze on. Didn’t think he’d stomach seeing whatever offended look Captain wore right now. He stalked towards the door and before leaving the room snapped,

“Get your shit together, soldier.”

.-.

The room was too quiet to be called a place of comfort. Suffocating and deafening to the point where Eren couldn’t hear his own mind screaming curses at the world. At himself, more so. Ages passed since Captain first left the room and there were no further sounds to be heard. Eren dared not move. He had no right to. The last time he tried, lips touched—fire was set aflame and rainbows exploded.

Still, Captain was a man of action and instant response. He’d say what came to mind, add a few colourful words along the way, and would use his fists if a shove was necessary. Eren by now learned to decipher Captain’s actions and his current lack of actions set unease in Eren.

He really had crossed the line this time.

Eren curled himself to a foetal position, an invisible heavy weight pulling him into the bed. Closing his eyes didn’t help block out the silence hammering into his ears. Not even Petra’s low-humming from downstairs could distract him from self-loathing.

The click of his door forced Eren to spring up, his expression blank but eyes wide with half-fear and half-anticipation. It was when Captain seated himself at the foot of his bed that Eren let out his breath. Captain grabbed the leather-bound book, the book that started this all, and flipped to a random page near the end. He shoved it at Eren.

“What do you see?”

Eren glanced over, looking for any particular words, drawings, or symbols that stood out. There was none.

“Umm, words?”

Captain dropped his hand in a defeated manner. He waited a few good seconds before dropping the confession.

“I see nothing.”

On impulse, Eren checked again, flipped to several pages before and after, and was relieved to see words filling up the space. He gave it to Captain but he refused.

“Nothing. Blank. I don’t know what happens after we lost Eren.” Captain’s voice sounded out of breath, no energy. Distant and tired.

Eren scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. “I thought you read it.”

“I can only see up to where I left off, before I was _summoned_ here by some _black magic_.” Captain looked at Eren who frowned.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to ‘kay? I don’t even know what I did! All I remember was looking at the signature and then I cut myself and then you appeared!”

“Either way, the book doesn’t let me see shit, so I still have to go back, some-fucking-how, and save that troublesome brat of a soldier.”

Wariness stopped him, but he overcame the hesitation and suggested, “I can finish the book and tell you.”

Captain shook his head, conviction spread over his face. “We _make_ choices, soldier, not follow some story that may as well been written by Kenny. And I choose to fight.”

Eren’s heart sank at his words, the gravity of Captain’s reality hitting them both in the head. Captain’s stay had become natural for Eren. He became so comfortable with the man’s presence, so much so that he had completely forgotten. Captain didn’t belong here. There was another world, (dare he say another time?), where he needed to be. There was another Eren that Captain concerned himself with.

“Understand, soldier?”

Yeah, he did.

He was the wrong Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: such a crap chapter but another transitioning one. thank you for bearing with me.


	9. We all miss you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [OokamiNoShippitsu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OokamiNoShippitsu/pseuds/OokamiNoShippitsu) gave me a surprise and ILOVE YOU yes you are awesome for having to deal with my nonsensical writing and grammar.

_They say you were a Suicidal Bastard, for wanting to join the Scouting Legion. For having a choice to be safe yet going down the opposite path and choosing death. You were always the one with action. I admire you for that. But I admire you more for your reasons behind your actions. And one by one, you taught us how to find our own reasons._

_Guess we’re all Suicidal Bastards._

_And one by one—dead, dead, dead..._

.-.

It was a sense of duty, responsibility, he felt that he indirectly owed to Captain. If the solemn soldier couldn’t know the ending, well, at least Eren still could. He remained murky on the delicate subject, the possibility, of reincarnation.

Religion, mystical belief or whatnot, Eren tended to avoid the unexplainable. Somewhere deep within however, Eren knew. This pulling tug wired to his brain that told him of cosmic, but not impossible, connection to Captain and his Eren. How else would all of this magic exist? And if there really was some strange bond, then he had a right to know.

Might as well finish the book now, for the sake of his report grade.

And so for the rest of the night, Eren remained downstairs, so not to disturb Captain. The one floor lamp lights the living room bright enough for Eren to read on and finish the book. Silently trudging through the yellow-stained pages, the story became more and more cumbersome by each word. The heavy feeling gnawing at his gut returned quickly.

The melancholy narration gave Eren difficulty to hold on to that small flicker of hope. That they’d be alright, they would make it through.

And he kept on until the last page was flipped and Eren stared blindly at the book, his fingers hovering over its final inked words.

_Next time, I guess. I’ll see you next time._

_—Armin Arlert_

.-.

‘What’s in a name? That which we call a rose  
By any other name would smell as sweet’

Infamous Juliet claimed names are merely names, that they held no real significance to the circumstances at hand. She managed to fool a Montague, but not a Jaeger. To see the name of his best friend inscribed on the last entry of what now seemed like a diary, it shook Eren’s world.

Numbed his nerves, froze his bloodstream. No perfectly aligned conditions on this planet could create such a coincidence. Eren was certain his friend’s name was a rare one and his last name even more so. What sent constant chills were the words repeated earlier on in his entry—

_dead, dead, dead..._

Eren grabbed his phone. Speed-dial 3. Four-ring tones before he reached voicemail. Hung up. Speed-dial 3. Two-rings before it was interrupted by a grumble.

“Eren? What the hell man, it’s—” Some shuffling before Armin spoke again. “Five in the freakin’ morning. Somethin’ wrong?”

He reckoned Armin couldn’t sense his big relief, how comforting it felt to hear his best friend’s voice, sleepy and annoyed, but alive. He opted to forgo the question and initiated his own. One more check, just to be on the safe side.

“How’s Mikasa?”

A slight pause from Armin’s end spiked Eren’s heartbeat but he calmed when Armin hollered out, “Jesus Christ Eren! You call me at this hour to ask about your sister? Can’t you do it at a normal time, like a normal human being?!”

“So she’s fine?”

A sigh. “Yes, you insensitive prick. Now go to sleep.”

Armin’s innate bite put Eren at ease. Though not so much so that he could forget—

_dead, dead, dead..._

It lead him up the stairs, into his room, and kneeling beside the makeshift bed where Captain’s sleeping state laid. He was on his side, back facing Eren, his arms tucked under his head and legs bent in an uncomfortable way. Captain liked to sleep in strange positions. A thought chilled him to the bones. Will he die in strange positions as well?

In the minutes passing, Eren found himself lying on the floor, huddled closely to Captain’s back. He closed his eyes and listened attentively, hoping to hear the faint thumps of heartbeat and in amidst the chaos inside his mind, he could make out a rhythm.

Had Captain’s Eren been this close? Dared that Eren place himself so intimately beside Captain? Had the thought of kissing Captain ever came to mind? Comrades, Captain claimed, mentor and pupil they were. Eren’s chest ached in the realisation that they never gained the opportunity to grow this close.

And by _that_ Armin Arlert’s words, they never would.

Shuffling brought Eren back from his grief and he found himself staring into a pair of very awake eyes of stormy gray. Their solidity demanded answers, no doubt triggered by the anguish on Eren’s face. The young man didn’t speak, couldn’t. Captain didn’t want to know his future and so he’d shut his lips. But how could Eren move on knowing Captain would—

_dead, dead, dead..._

“Stay.”

His whisper echoed a thousand thunders in the room. It stilled time and the bond between them. The instant Captain caught Eren’s desperation, urgency, and pleading cry, he knew. His countenance turned to that of calm and understanding, a practiced maturity that could have only been mastered through years of experience and battle.

Captain rose from his spot of comfort, walked to the closet and pulled out his gears. Silently, Eren watched him suit up with diligence, automated movements of belt-strapping and buckle-tightening. To Eren, the complex web of leather and fasteners was too foreign to comprehend. Yet Captain performed with ease, a harsh reminder that he was not of this world.

“Let’s go.”

Eren gave him a confused look.

“I’m taking you on a ride.”

.-.

On good days, the lakes and oceans wore a colour of deep blue. It varied actually, from a dark navy to crystalized aqua, but always a shade of blue. Do you know why, Captain? Water is colourless yet how can an accumulation of colourless water magically turn into a spectacular blue?

In truth, bodies of water, even a puddle as miniscule as one person in an entire population, feigned as mirrors of the sky. They reflected what it felt—clear and blue on happy days, dreary and rainy on sad days, dark and stormy on angry days. When the sky is at peace, the ocean is at peace and if you stand at the shore where water meets land, you’ll find yourself standing between two planes of clear blue above and below, stretching to eternity.

Do you know why the sky is blue, Captain? Well, there’s this layer of atmosphere hovering above that only allows certain colours in. Blue is the one they favour the most, and that is why our eyes see such majestic brilliance. Doesn’t it amaze you, Captain? How beautiful blue can be...doesn’t it make you feel small to realise how little you know?

“That’s why you go to school.”

Eren chuckled. “Yes, that’s why we go to school.”

He tightened his arm around Captain’s shoulders when they made a powerful leap. Captain squeezed his grip on Eren in response, in attempt to reassure. He possessed no fear. Without a doubt, he’d rest his life in Captain’s hands with full confidence.

“It’s funny,” Eren murmured, “no matter how high we fly, the sky always seem to rise even further, as if they don’t want to be in reach.”

Captain remained quiet, letting Eren voice his scattered thoughts. The brunet tipped his head, let his sight be filled with endless blues and his lungs replenished by the finest airs. Up here, it was only them and this private moment distilling an urge for Eren to speak whatever was on his mind.

They whipped through and around buildings, cutting corners and dangling on the side of cement walls when particular views came to sight and Eren requested a short stop. There was the campus, far to the right, and it looked like such a small block from this distance, from this height. Mostly greens with carved paths snaking around and connecting lecture halls. Eren couldn’t hold in the bubbly laughter erupting from within—this out of the world feeling of _freedom_ is overwhelming.

Captain gave him a few minutes before moving on. Clearly, he had a sense of direction with that determined look. They were moving towards the outskirts, with buildings growing shorter and shorter until they swung as low as the street lights. Thankfully it was still early in the morning and not many people were awake to see two monkeys zip by on grappling hooks.

Outside the main city was a small forest perched on higher grounds. They settled right in as Captain chose a random tree to be their lookout. Eren felt a twinge of disappointment when he realised he had to let go of his hold on the man.

Leaning against the tree trunk, Eren admired the view below, a city wakening at the crack of dawn by morning’s light. Surrounding the small metropolis were squares of flatlands, occupied by golden wheat and corn. If not farmland, nature took over and claimed their territory with lush forests and meadows.

Finally, Captain spoke, “I’ve become soft. This is...a peaceful place. Something I’m not used to, but was so easy to adjust to. But there’s always a sense of threat in the back of my mind. I don’t forget, Eren. I shouldn’t and I won’t.”

Eren seemed at lost to what he meant by that, not quite understanding what he was talking about. Captain crossed his arms and observed the view with a strange calmness.

“The damn book allowed me to come here, see what it’s like. Fucking peaceful and...” Captain turned to Eren. Eren’s heart skipped a beat. He wished Captain would never look away. “...Beautiful. It’s a better world. He’s right, it will be a better world. And all the sacrifices that come along with it, they’re worth _this_ scene.”

It was as close he’d ever get. With a dry swallow, Eren asked the very thing that had been haunting a small part of his heart for the longest while now. He finally realised what he didn’t know that Captain knew for a long time.

“Captain, do you believe in reincarnation? Am I your Eren’s reincarnation?”

The older male didn’t respond, only placed a warm hand on the back of his neck and pulled Eren close. Foreheads touching, Captain closed his eyes and Eren followed. He could feel Captain’s long and slow breaths, drawing shivers down his spin. And when courage rose again, Eren dared to open an eye. Peeked at the stoic soldier and found composure across his face. They were so close, he could make out every single eyelash peppered on top of Captain’s eyes.

This was the closest he’d ever get. Maybe the closest Captain’s Eren could ever get.

He relished every second of it.

“So tell me, soldier,” Captain demanded. “You going to make the best of this life, this world?”

Without hesitance, “yes sir.”

He knew what he had to do now. It felt natural.

“Captain, can you take me to the school? I...want to see someone.”

.-.

It was a fleeting moment, one Eren quickly had forgotten in amidst of his excitement.

During their short journey to campus, he felt a quick sharp pain from his arm followed by a muttered apology. Captain had accidently swung his blade the wrong way and opened a small wound on Eren’s arm, drawing a bit of blood. He’d asked Eren to use his cravat to clean the shallow cut.

Eren didn’t recall carrying the cravat later that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo..am i allowed to say that this is ending soon..?
> 
> thanks to all of your comments and kudos and loads of encouragement!!! such sweet readers, you all are (,_,)


	10. I'll See Soon, Definitely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So," Levi murmured, his voice raw and coarse. "Want to make the rumours true?"
> 
> Eren didn't falter the second time. He breathed in deep and whispered, "yeah, I'd like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my wonderful beta, [OokamiNoShippitsu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OokamiNoShippitsu/pseuds/OokamiNoShippitsu) !

_Captain took it the worst. He went on a rampage. Not out of control like your titan-self, but this deadly calm storm that vowed vengeance on those who hurt those who were his. Even disobeyed Commander and if it weren’t for squad leader Hanji, Captain would face serious offence against the Military executives._

_All for you, you must know. Captain took your death the worst._

.-.

He started running once he was back on his feet again. Threw a quick thanks back at Captain before dashing into campus grounds. A sound of air swooshing indicated Captain's departure for home. Eren only had one thing—one person—in mind though, and it wasn't like he was going anywhere. But he didn't want to waste any more time, not after Captain's light scolding.

It finally switched on some light in his head, how he should focus on his time, his world, _this_ life. This Levi, _his_ Levi. Death was necessary, was what Captain basically spelled out. If this peaceful world would be the ending result of their sacrifice. And no matter how hard it struck at his heart, Eren knew deep down that Captain was right. He couldn't do anything, not like Captain would allow him to anyway. Besides, he's got his own Levi to be with.

He didn’t even think if the TA would be in his office yet; who in their right minds would go to school this early at seven in the morning?

Apparently Levi would.

His stately form relaxed in his office chair, leg crossed over the other and hand on his thigh holding some academic paper. The morning sun shone on his back and the new day’s glow warmed Eren’s heart with joy. He calmed himself before going on to explain. Levi's half-confused and half-guarded look wrenched Eren's heart when he was reminded of his elusive behaviour at the coffee shop.

"I'm sorry," Eren started with a blurt. "I just...I wasn't thinking—"

"You sure damn well weren't—"

"I _couldn't_ think!" Eren should've rehearsed. He just ran in here thinking he'd know what to say but here he was, lost and twisted by the throat. "I didn't know what I was..you see, there was this other guy—"

Upon seeing Levi's contorted expression, Eren quickly fixed his words.

"No no! Not like that! Well, sort of. He looks exactly like you and has been living with me for the past few weeks and we've been hanging out and I got to know him better and he reminds me of you and you remind me of him, and it's just _crazy_ ," Eren forced out a laugh, his hand running through his hair. "I mean, he just popped out of a book, and tried to kill me but then he recognized me for someone else? And then you had to come and stir things up—no no! I meant like..I just really look up to you and think you're _awesome_ but then the rumours fucked me over and I'm feeling like one of those shoujo girls going doki-fucking-doki over you, over Captain, and it's all just a big fucking...fuck."

When he finished, he wish he hadn't. Eren wished he kept on going, blabbering out words while his feet would slowly carry him out of this room and never appear in front of Levi again because the blank look on Levi's face, it made Eren regret a thousand tons. So maybe he wasn't the best at explanations, but he wanted to try at least. After not seeing Levi for almost two weeks and suddenly he was right here, Eren's heart was jumping relations into the clouds. It _hurt_ to be this happy.

Levi crossed his arms in speculation. "Repeat what you just shat out...in chronological order if you can."

Eren gulped. He might as well start from the beginning.

"So I found that book, _To You in Two Thousand Years_ , that I'm writing my report on. I was just looking over it that night and then suddenly, magic— _magic_ Levi, I shit you not—happens and this man who looks exactly like you, the same face, the same dorky hairstyle, hell even the same glare as you, he _jumped_ out of the book. And at first I thought I was hallucinating but then my landlady saw him and they became tea-buddies or something and he's been crashing in my room for a while now and I learn about his world and he learns about mine and all this time."

Eren fixed his gaze on Levi. "All this time, I sometimes mistake him for you. Somewhere along the line I _liked_ being with him, and then seeing you at school, I _liked_ that. I _like_ seeing you, talking to you, talking to Captain, seeing him do origami or listen to him talk random things, and joking around with you and having these...these—"

"Conversations."

Eren lit up. "Yes! Just small talk even. But then last night I finished the book and..."

He stopped, reminders of a certain someone's inevitable death brought him down quiet and cold. "And he died. Captain's going to die...your counterpart will die and I was scared, _so scared_ because I don't want that. I don't want him to go away, I _like_ him, I like _you_! And then that rumour happened and then all of a sudden this big tidal wave of... _emotions_ I don't know, I'm crap at this! I just realised a fuck ton of things I haven't realised before but should have a long time ago and.."

He was blabbering again, his blood rushing twice as fast and mouth running even faster. Brain couldn't keep up; an overwhelming shockwave of emotions was hitting him from all directions and all Eren could pay attention to was Levi getting to his feet and stalking towards him. The young man naturally took a step back—a few more and more until his back hit the door, a closing click finalizing his entrapment in the room and Eren almost fluttered his eyes shut when Levi placed both hands on either side of him.

Levi's voice was quiet and careful. "You mentioned this was a war story, about soldiers with grappling hooks and killing monsters with swords?"

Eren nodded.

The man was hesitant at first, took his time before scoffing. "I used to have these dreams when I was a little brat—nightmares. Recurring, always the same ones but I usually forgot in the morning. One image always stick to me, one repulsive blurry image that apparently seemed worthy to engrave itself in my head." Levi looked up, his expression softening upon Eren's confusion. "This thin, battered body. Missing limbs, broken bones, blood everywhere. Blood on his face, chest, in his hair, blood on my clothes. I was holding him, and there was blood still running down like a river. His neck was sliced down to the spine. His blood-covered eyes had hints of yellow or green, I couldn’t recall."

Eren couldn't help but to feel a shiver. This was all hauntingly familiar to his bones. Levi placed a hand on his cheek in comfort.

"Now isn't that a violent end to our lives?" he murmured.

Eren breathed out a shaky sigh. Had no clear idea why Levi decided to share this random piece of his past but he had a hunch. He didn't share his theory, Levi had heard enough of his crazy talk this morning. Instead, he put that aside and rested his hands on Levi's chest, his heart beating alive and healthy, warm and strong.

"Umm, yeah..so... I think I gave the wrong impression these days," he murmured shyly.

Levi made a scoff that sounded like 'yeah no shit’. He slid a palm to the back of Eren's neck, pulled the kid down and stuck their foreheads together, so achingly much like Captain. Yet little things that made this Levi, Eren's Levi. That faint musk of designer cologne and a more refined semblance, not like Captain's wild hit-and-miss temperament; Eren had learned to take note of this distinction.

"So," Levi murmured, his voice raw and coarse. "Want to make the rumours true?"

Eren didn't falter the second time. He breathed in deep and whispered, "yeah, I'd like that."

"And maybe I can meet this tell-tale twin of mine? Swing a few punches for getting ahead of me."

Eren made a questioning sound. Levi rubbed his forehead against his in mirth.

"Bastard slept in the same room as you, I've got a lot to catch up on."

A glowing blush crept up Eren as he struggled a response. "H-He slept on the floor, we didn't do anything..."

He received chuckle in response. Levi pulled back then leaned in again for a kiss. Not on the lips, they both knew it was still too soon, but a soft peck on Eren's cheek. It sent excited butterflies down his stomach and in that moment, Eren had a feeling that everything was going to be okay. Things would work out, run its course in natural progression.

They stayed like this for the a while until students started to pile in for their morning lectures. Eren needed to return home to get his stuff and Levi had to prepare today's tutorial. Eren had better go, Levi warned, or he was going to start docking marks off his final grade.

"You can't do that," Eren argued. "That's...illegal!"

"I'm a TA whom the professor favours a lot, I can do a lot of shit to my students." Levi shooed Eren out of his office with a nonchalant wave of his hand.

Pouting, Eren obeyed his TA and hurried home. Another rush of adrenaline surged through, complete joy washing over him and he couldn't wait to tell Captain what happened. Granted, the stoic soldier would pretend to not give any shits but damn it, he was the reincarnation of his Eren (whatever that meant) so he better well know the romantic progress them.

Gosh darn, this was complicated.

Bolted inside, ran upstairs in two-steps a leap, and shot down the hallway to his room. Opened his door and..

It took a while for Eren to expel all the dopamine rushing through his bloodstream and realise his room was empty. Captain wasn't there as expected. Yellow-green eyes scan the room back and forth as a final check before Eren ran downstairs to find Petra.

Had she seen Captain? No darling, she was here the entire morning and hadn't heard anyone come in except him, Eren dear.

Eren furrowed his eyebrows, perplexed. Maybe Captain hadn't come home yet, still swinging about contemplating on the meaning of life and whatnot. He returned back upstairs and flopped onto his bed, suddenly tired with his energy drained from over-excitement. He should pack his stuff for class. Levi's tutorial was in three hours and he sure wasn't going to miss them anymore. A few minutes of silence and rest, then Eren was back on his feet.

While picking up his notes and books, there was one thing tugging at his chest. Something was missing, it felt off. Eren couldn't quite place it but it was like his room had been changed, dramatically if he so dared to add. Something had gone amiss here, as if something was not in its rightful place, as if something was...not here.

Doing a 180 turn around, Eren surveyed his room. He could deny every bit of desperation seeping in but his heart felt lost and more frantically so by the second.

Where was the book? The leather-bound book that Eren had stumbled upon and went at great lengths to find it? The old book that bestowed him great insight and granted him magical moments with a special person that would no doubt remain in his heart for the longest time.

So where was the book?

Where was Captain?

Eren had lost his sense of time by the end, his room having now turned upside-down and flipped inside-out. Every corner, nook and cranny searched and searched again. His arduous attempts were in vain. No book nor Humanity's Strongest soldier in sight.

The young college student curled himself into the downy comfort of his bed, finally letting the inevitable knock his head cold into reality.

The book was gone, Captain disappearing along with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i took the coward’s path. you’re welcome to beat me up. home stretch guys.


	11. With love and regards, Armin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I will teach you, guide you._  
>  I will take care of you.  
> I will protect you.  
> I will find you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [OokamiNoShippitsu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OokamiNoShippitsu/pseuds/OokamiNoShippitsu) for putting up with me all this time. I had a big of a hiatus and then suddenly bombed her with a lot of chapters to go through and edit (._.) You are the most wonderful human being ever. Thank you for sticking with me on this ride!!

_Remember that time when I showed you a picture book, illustrating all the colours and wonders of the world? Vast lakes as open as the sky, large forests that dominated an entire earth, strange animals and fruits and plants and flowers. We were young back then, naïve and innocent and ignorant of this world’s ugly side._

_But we were also dreamers, and I still am. The rest of this world is still waiting for us to visit, and I hold you to that promise. It just doesn’t have to be now._

_The walls have fallen, the skies are opened. Let’s explore together._

_Next time, I guess. I’ll see you next time._

_—Armin Arlert._

.-.

It was nine in the evening, well into the night. More than a day’s journey for the sun had passed and a dark blanket blinded the world with its moon and stars. Soon, another twelve hours would fly by and the rest of the world would move along with it. Carry on with everyday life, not even aware of one small anomaly that was Captain’s inexistence.

Only one single heart remembered and fell emptied and shattered, unmoving against the bed that was too hard and cold and big.

Funny how he’d never had a problem with his bed before.

Funny how he’d never had a problem with his entire room before. It was spacious, more than enough room for Eren to walk around and be frustrated about school. Now it was a bit too big, a bit too spacious, too cold and too quiet. Even with hundreds of cranes piling up in the corners and ledges, they felt more suffocating than comforting—sitting motionlessly, staring at Eren as if they were blaming him, expecting him to do something.

Do what?

Nothing. There was nothing at all.

No sign, clue, even a dust gone astray that indicated another presence here. It was as if Captain had never... _was_ never. They didn’t exist—the book and the soldier.

And the only thing tangible enough for the young man to believe that yes—this was real and he was not crazy, Captain was real and he _was_ here—the only emblem were the abundance of paper cranes left behind by Humanity’s Strongest.

Some unfolded to its original square piece. More than half remained untouched.

Eren laid still on his bed. Reckoned he hadn’t flinched a muscle for the past hours but there were no pain. Numbness washed over a long time ago and he welcomed it eagerly. His entire body curled into a protective ball, legs pressed to his throbbing chest and keeping guard around Captain’s birds.

Captain’s words.

_I will teach you, guide you._

_I will take care of you._

_I will protect you._

_I will find you._

Promises from another time. Inside the centre of every crane held a tiny piece of Captain’s heart. His thoughts and feelings, unspoken words now forever lost in another time different from his. He had never planned to say them out loud, did he? His Eren would never hear these words.

_I will make sure you rest well._  
_I will teach you how to cook properly._  
 _We will figure out how to control your Titan powers._  
 _I will bring you to the basement, I will return you to your home._  
 _I will have faith in you._  
 _I will always trust you._  
 _I will earn your faith._  
 _I will respect you._  
 _I will care for you._  
 _I am here for you._  
 _I will be right behind you, two steps away from you._  
 _I will keep going and you will too._  
 _I will make sure you’re alright, Eren._

Captain entrusted Eren with his deepest wishes. His fears, doubts, hopes, and promises. Things he would never admit again in his time, for he had more important tasks at hand, like saving humanity’s sorry and ungrateful ass. For his time had passed. He had chosen to release his personal affairs here in this time. Would he fulfill them? Would he stick to his words and watch over his Eren until the very end?

Green eyes struggled with effort to scan the room, pausing at every unopened crane. One of these birds, did they hold Captain’s true feelings? Eren held onto a dull spark of hope that one of these folded papers hid the forbidden four-lettered word that the soldiers of Captain’s time seemed to disregard.

Captain...must have already known—love, that is. What it meant and felt to love. And be loved, hopefully, by the very boy he’d promised to protect.

The very boy who was going to die.

Images from the book replayed in his head. Eren shut his eyes in pain, trying not to imagine the anguish and hopelessness on Captain’s face when he would find out that his Eren...—would it all be worth it? When the time would come and humanity would win, would it be worth it for Captain?

The deafening silence was his answer.

He wished it differently too.

He wished the story came to a different ending.

Hey Armin, can you perhaps change the finale?

_And all the sacrifices that come along with it, they’re worth_ this _scene._

Eren managed a bitter laugh. Captain had an answer to everything, didn’t he? Then he must’ve known how Eren would react to his disappearance act. The shock of sudden loneliness and almost-betrayal that left in him denial and detached from the world. At least take the damn cranes with him. Eren didn’t need reminding of his big presence.

Unable to hold it in, he curled up even more and buried his face in his arms. A broken whimper escaped. Trying to forget, trying to push it away, trying so hard...

_“So tell me, soldier, you going to make the best of this life?”_

His quivered breathing came to a stop.

Yeah, yeah he was.

.-.

An uphill battle. It took painstaking efforts to type every letter and there wasn’t anything he could think of to say except for the single line that looked pathetic and confusing on its own. But he hoped.

**To: l.ackerman@uot.com**  
From: e.jaeger@uot.com  
Subject: (no subject)  
\---  
_can you come over? 67 lauraview rd_

.-.

He didn’t register Levi’s arrival until Petra knocked on his door for the second time. It was unlocked, he meekly stated and Levi let himself in. He held an unsure face, clearly feeling out of place in Eren’s personal space and especially after his absence in the tutorial today. Eren felt the obligation to explain himself, yet one look at Levi’s beautiful face and a cold pang hit his chest. Too much, too much like Captain.

“Eren?” Levi’s voice was soft and careful, no doubt from Eren’s pathetic appearance being curled up in a fetal position on bed. “Everything alright?”

Eren took in a deep breath. In, out, and look forward, beyond, and over the haunting similarities. With a heavy heart, he managed to whisper out, “he’s gone.”

The question ‘who is?’ was left hanging in the air. Levi scanned the room, took in the colourful paper-cranes placed all around. He moved over to the side of the bed and hesitantly laid a hand on Eren’s shoulder.

“The Captain from the book?”

Eren gave him a broken look. Wordlessly, he unfurled himself and leaned into Levi’s arms, feeling them wrap around his body in a tight hold and a sense of safety washed over. It was comfortable here, in a familiar place again. Levi smelt of soap—fresh and clean and just like Captain. Except this wasn’t Captain, this was Levi Ackerman. His TA whom he looked up to and with whom he had come to quickly fall in love.

Eren froze.

No, take that back. He was not there yet, not now.

Eren felt a chin resting on top of his head and soon, warm breaths tickled his hair. Levi was doing his best to comfort Eren, rubbing soft circles on back and pressing lazy kisses along his forehead. It did work, weeded out the nervous strings that tangled Eren from the inside. Didn’t take long for Eren to realise just how much relief Levi’s presence brought and just how much he needed him there.

Did Levi know?

Fuck, he was a mess. Heartbroken over some imaginary guy when the object of his affections was right here. Not fair at all. Despicable. Undeserving.

He broke apart and caught Levi’s eyes with an apologetic look. His lips were dry so he gave them a lick. Throat was parched, so he cleared it up only to hear a pathetic croak. Attempted to speak but only managed out a staggering ‘umm’.

Levi beat him to it.

“He’s going to be alright, Eren,” he offered in a whisper. “They’re going to be alright. We’re going to be alright—you are and so am I.”

Levi laid a hand on Eren’s cheek, ghost touches from the tips of his fingers compelled Eren to lean closer again. The younger closed his eyes, almost as if following Levi’s fingers as they glided over and touched every inch of skin of his face.

“You’ve got to trust me, and trust him. Trust us.”

_I will be with you in every step, soldier, whatever happens._

_I will find you._

“I do.” Eren surprised himself with a strong voice. In sudden conviction, he started to list, “we’re going to take care of each other, teach each other. Protect each other, make sure we rest well and know how to cook properly...and we’ll trust each other, have faith in each other and respect each other. We’re going to find a home, be with each other in every step.”

Levi looked at Eren as if he’d grown two heads. Where had that come from, he asked? Lightening the atmosphere, Levi chuckled and half-joked, “is this some sort of proposal? Because it’s still sort of too early for that.”

Eren ignored the half-dismissal and replied with his own amused but sure smile, “no, it’s a promise.”

Levi scoffed and pulled Eren fully into his lap and stole a quick kiss before taking a piece of square paper and started to fold intricate lines. It worked out though, didn’t it? Captain will find his Eren, and Levi has found him. And whatever Captain left behind or couldn’t do, Levi will continue to keep his promises.

Ten-thousand of them. (or so Captain claimed)

“Your sweet landlady kept calling me Captain and gushed how only I can cheer you up,” Levi said after a moment of silence, bringing Eren out of his daze. “He’s a bigger presence here than I’d expected, your Captain.”

“My Captain, my Levi—same difference.”

Eren’s cheeks grew hot the moment he realised what he’d just blabbered out, to which Levi chuckled and patted his cheeks.

“I’ll tell her that. Anyone else I should notify?”

“Well there’s my family...”

The stroking on Eren’s neck stilled and he could hear a soft curse. “Bastard moves quick. Already meeting the parents.”

“And my sister...and our dog...who formed an attachment to Captain pretty quickly,” Eren announced teasingly as he turned around with excitement, snickering at Levi’s apparent jealousy. “I don’t know...it’s going to be tough one beating Humanity’s Strongest.”

“Yeah well, they haven’t met Humanity’s Strongest Version 2 yet.”

Eren barked out a short laugh, but the crack in his voice brought back the solemnity of moments ago. He was more than okay now, the heavy emptiness had long since dissipated. Still, the sudden missing presence of a dear friend came at a shock.

He looked to Levi, who was staring back with solid attentiveness, such devotion and endearment. He reached up and knocked their foreheads together.

“Let it go, Eren. We’re going to be fine. _They’re_ going to be fine.”

Eren believed him.

He promised, after all.

Ten thousand promises to be exact.

.-.

—and that magical moment finally came to a close.

.-.

_This one comes and this one goes_  
So here we are across the road  
In whispers, in whispers  
You say let it go, let it go home  
–Whispers (Dave Baxter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> never thought the last chapter would be so bad and cheesy.


	12. Goodbye

They questioned where he disappeared to all these days. Just vanished out of their sight one day and not even the commander could figure out his location. Levi didn’t know either—gave an ambiguous reply. He still had no idea what happened. Time worked in funny ways that humans couldn’t understand. A few weeks in the future apparently meant only a few days in the past.

No matter, they’ve found Eren and that was the important thing. Never mind the underground crystal tunnels, and the secret of the royal family and all the shit that didn’t particularly mattered to Levi. He kept his first promise.

And now to keep a few more.

Levi found a short slot of time to sit down beside Eren, huddled in front of a fireplace. Stunned with shock, the young soldier was still trying to settle on his own terms with the new information rushing into his mind—past memories of his father, his titan powers, and the Reiss family’s tragedy.

A push and pull force tugged at Levi’s heart, conflicted and fighting against the urge to lean in close and take the boy in his arms.

 “Eren.”

Tired yellow-green eyes looked to him with a speck of hope. So different from the Eren from that time, but they were still the same, weren’t they? Levi was still fighting for and speaking to the same person.

“They...love you so much,” Levi started, struggling to get that four-letter word out at first. “They miss you every single day. Don’t think about revenge, just be happy and they’ll be happy, got it?”

Eren gave him the most confused expression, wondering what had gone through the captain’s head as so to have him spew nonsense like this. It was not like him at all. He was right though, those were not Levi’s words. Levi was just...relaying the message to Eren.

He’d understand someday.

The captain stood and walked to his tent, slowing down half way when a particular blonde mushroom-head caught his attention. Armin was attending to Jean’s wounds, focused on the task at hand and unaware of Captain’s sudden interest.

“Arlert.”

The young man stood in his spot instantly and saluted. “Sir!”

Levi had a hunch, just a small feeling. He could trust a small task to Eren’s best friend.

“A diary of some sort can help deal with the last of our sanity. Try it.”

.-.

_Our love will be legend_  
If we let it go, let it go home.  
—Whispers (Dave Baxter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think it’s an appropriate time to confess that i got this story-title from backstreet boys.
> 
> WELL. THIS IS IT. the ending...even though i know it doesn’t feel like an ending. hell half of the unexplained remains unexplained and yes, you can kick me several times for it. but i do hope some of you have figured out how this short epilogue connects to the previous chapters..?
> 
> it has been an invigorating ride for me, since i have to be honest, this became a challenge for me to write. as a writer, i have learned so much from this experience and although 10kP is not a personally-fulfilling work i’d hoped it’d to be, the knowledge i gained will surely help me in future multi-chaptered fics.
> 
> i want to thank each and every one of you for sticking with me to the end. you guys truly are an inspiration and motivation and although i didn’t get to explore the ideas you’ve contributed, i hope it’ll be cultivated in the future. such sweet darlings—thanks for all the kudos and comments left on here, they really push me to do you guys good. i hope this was an overall decent read for you and i hope to see you guys soon!!


End file.
